Fractures
by Roschelle Templar
Summary: For years, Laguna had always found a way to smile and move forward no matter how difficult his life became. But what happens when the smile becomes a prison and moving forward means leaving his heart behind?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: New story. After thinking about the end of the game again, I decided that there were a couple of issues that I wanted to explore in a slightly less linear way, so this one will a little more free-form at times and will have a bit more angst than usual. Still, I hope my readers will enjoy it.

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who reads/follows/favorites/reviews this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter One

The landscape surrounding Winhill had always welcomed ghosts.

Many years ago, the people who built the village had noted that the residents who passed away often continued to roam about as spirits. At first, these specters were feared and there were many attempts to drive them away. Eventually, the villagers learned to accept that, sometimes, some of their relatives and friends were simply too attached to their home to abandon it simply because they had departed the mortal realm. Fear and disgust eventually turned to a sort of wistful longing as those who were left behind sought solace in the possibility that they were not as alone as they might have thought they were.

Nighttime seemed to be a particularly inviting time for the spirits of those who had become a part of Winhill. The silver light of the moon and the distant twinkle of the stars in a clear sky guided them back to their home, back to the people who still loved them.

Standing on a grassy hill on the outskirts of Winhill, a solitary figure stood in front of a lonely headstone. He had never doubted the villagers' assertion that ghosts still lived here.

It was the sole reason why he continued to come back to this place.

Laguna Loire knelt down onto the gravesite, the ground soft and yielding due to a recent rain. He placed his hand onto the grave marker and bowed his head while closing his eyes. He never admitted it to anyone else, but whenever he did this, Laguna was certain he could sense Raine nearby. Sometimes, it was the scent of flowers that always accompanied her. Other times it was a faint trace of her voice calling out to him. No matter what it was, Laguna tried to absorb as much of it as possible, letting the sensations lull him back into a world of memories.

* * *

"_Laguna, why did you stay?"_

_Laguna tilted his head quizzically at Raine, who was sitting next to him on the couch. Ellone had gone to bed hours ago, and the two of them had spent the last hour holding each other with little conversation, a rare thing when in the company of Laguna Loire._

"_I thought you knew," he said, scratching the side of his head. "Because of Elle and…."_

_Laguna reached down to rub the ring on Raine's finger as a way to finish his sentence. Raine let out a sigh and pulled her hand away from his._

"_No, I mean before that," she said. "After you were well enough to get around on your own. All that time while you were bed-ridden, you kept talking about how you weren't going back to the army so that you could finally become a world-traveling journalist. But as soon as you had recovered, you started to mention it less and less and then you ended up staying here instead. So why? What was it that changed your mind?"_

_Laguna let out a groan, and Raine looked over to see that he was rubbing his calf silently. She wasn't really surprised. This often happened when she tried to have a serious conversation with him. Usually, he tried to dodge it entirely with some flimsy distraction and she had half-expected him to try to do it again. The fact that his leg had cramped up, however, was a sign that he had been listening and was seriously contemplating her questions, so she patiently waited for him to reply._

"_Um, truthfully?" he finally said. "It was your chicken casserole."_

"_What?!" she said, glaring at him. "Are you trying to tell me that you left the army, gave up on your dreams and pledged to stay with me and Ellone just because you like my cooking?"_

"_No," Laguna stammered. "I mean, sort of, no wait, I mean…."_

"_Well?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Laguna grabbed at his leg again and took several deep breaths before answering her._

"_Do you remember that one day not long after I started my monster hunting job?" he asked her. "That day when I got that Bite Bug needle stuck in my shoulder?"_

"_I remember," Raine nodded. "You kept whining while I pulled it out and bandaged your wound, even though the poison didn't have a chance to infect it."_

"_Yeah, um, and remember how you still had me spend the rest of the day at home?" he continued hesitantly. "And how I offered to help you around the house 'cause I couldn't do my normal job?"_

"_How could I forget?" Raine sighed, rolling her eyes. "That was the day that I found out that tea towels can be completely incinerated in seconds and that laundry detergent can produce Behemoth-sized suds if the wrong person is allowed to run the washing machine."_

"_Um yeah, that was a surprise to me too," Laguna said with a nervous laugh. "And here I figured that the clothes would just get a little cleaner if you added extra soap." _

"_I thought you were trying to explain your earlier statement," Raine said with a smirk. "So why do you seem so determined to dig yourself into an even deeper hole?"_

"_W-wait let me finish," Laguna said. "After you kicked me out of the kitchen, I…I was really feeling down. I just wanted to help, but it seemed like nothing I did would go right. I kept thinking about everything you had done for me ever since I showed up here, and I kept wishing that I could have just one moment when I could be something more than the guy you've had to put up with for all those months."_

_Raine's expression immediately softened, her hand reaching for his, her fingers stroking the back of his hand._

"_For some reason, I suddenly thought about my mom, and I remember saying something about how I missed the chicken casseroles she used to make," he added. "I didn't think you had heard me say that, and yet that's exactly what you made for dinner that night."_

"_You never did tell me if it was anything like your mother's," Raine said._

"_I know," Laguna said. "Honestly, it was really good, but it was nothing like my mom's. But that didn't matter. In fact, that didn't even occur to me until a couple days later. All I could think about that night was the look in your eyes when you sat down with me and Elle to eat. It…it was like all that other stuff that happened earlier that day had never happened. It was as if this was the very first time you saw me and I still had a chance to be the person I wanted to be around you…for you."_

_Laguna raked his fingers through his hair again while flexing his leg back and forth, trying to work out the remnants of his earlier cramp. _

"_It took me a little while to realize this," he said. "But after that I decided to stay because I wanted to keep on trying to become that person. And I guess I'm still trying."_

_Laguna was about to curl his fingers around the hand Raine had placed on his, but she moved it away before he could. He then looked over at her, questioning, as she shook her head._

"_Loire, you goof, when are you going to learn?" she said. _

_Laguna opened his lips to ask her what she meant, but she put her fingers onto his mouth, silencing him. She then moved closer to him, her blue eyes seeming to gaze down into his soul. _

"_You always were far more than just some guy who I took care of for all those months," she said. "Maybe it wasn't obvious right away, and maybe I'm still working on figuring out what exactly you are, but somehow, I always knew that you are so much more than that. And the only person I need you to be is you."_

_Raine moved her hand away, but it didn't matter because Laguna was too overwhelmed to speak and too enraptured with the woman in front of him to want to try. Instead he wrapped his arms around Raine and held her close to him, determined to put everything he was feeling into the embrace. _

"_I love you, Laguna," she whispered into his ear. Laguna closed his eyes and held her even tighter._

"_I love you…."_

* * *

'_Raine….'_

Laguna opened his eyes to feel tears sliding down his face. That moment had happened years ago, but he still marveled at how Raine's words always managed to touch his heart, even now. After she died, he often thought that he would never experience feelings like that again and as time passed, that possibility became a certainty in his mind.

Still, Laguna was all too aware that words still had the power to affect him. It was part of the reason why he was sitting in front of his wife's grave late at night: to try to forget the wounds inflicted by words spoken to him. Words he had been afraid to hear. Words of anger and venom.

"_You gutless fool."_

"_And just how did you think it would be?"_

"_You're pathetic Loire."_

"_Why don't you just go back to her?"_

Laguna brushed his hands against his cheeks. He laughed bitterly as he thought about how his tears were the proof that validated the words that had been said to him. Crying would not erase the truth that had been dragged into the light in spite of all his attempts to hide it away from the world. But that didn't stop him from sobbing even harder as the memory of those words continued to echo in his brain. He then wondered why the people closest to him didn't seem to be able to see what should have been obvious to them by now.

"_Mister President, there is something we need to discuss."_

"_It's a simple test. Only takes a few minutes."_

"_Perhaps now would be a good time to start making plans. Just in case."_

Laguna fell forward, his palms spread flat onto the ground while shaking arms tried to brace him from collapsing. Seconds later, his hands clawed at the dirt and grass as anger surged up from deep within and shoved the sadness aside.

He remembered feeling scared when he heard those words. Thousands of panicked questions had filled his mind, and he didn't know how he could begin to figure out which ones he should try to answer first. But all of those questions seemed stupid and meaningless now when he realized that he had been oblivious to the implications of what was happening to him. Sitting here, shaking, all alone in the dark, Laguna hated how he had been too weak to look past his petty fears and appreciate what was being offered.

A fresh wave of sorrow soon washed over him, drowning his rage and any other emotion he could have into a cold, bottomless ocean. His tears increased in intensity and became heaving sobs. He remembered how he hadn't shed a single tear during either of the moments that were currently haunting him, and he couldn't fathom why he hadn't cried before or why he wasn't able to stop himself now.

Laguna shivered as the crisp night air chilled him and he struggled to breathe.

"Raine," he choked out. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Laguna continued to gasp out pleas for forgiveness for several minutes, but he knew that his words were the only ones that had no power. He carefully laid down onto the headstone and caressed the edges of it as he curled his body up into a tight ball. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he would have to return to the Palace soon or Kiros would figure out that he had disappeared. Laguna considered Kiros to be one of the most easy-going and rational people he knew, but he also aware of how swiftly that calm rationality was replaced with fierce protectiveness whenever his former commander and current Estharian president's security was threatened in any way.

Laguna clutched the sides of the grave maker as he tried to find the strength to pick himself off the ground.

"Please," he sobbed. "Raine…I…I can't…."

Laguna hiccupped as the words stilled in his throat. He then swallowed hard and scrubbed at his face as he tried to stop the flow of tears from his eyes. He didn't want to leave, not while he was still in this state, so he closed his eyes again and reached out for Raine's presence. Eventually his breaths grew steadier and he slowly pulled himself together.

'_Just a few more minutes…I can afford that….'_

He relaxed his body so he could lay prone over the grave, allowing himself the morbid pleasure of feeling as if he was lying next to her again, just like he did on so many precious, passion-filled nights. A breeze fluttered through his hair, and it felt identical to all those times Raine would twine her fingers through it as she soothed him to sleep.

A cloud drifted in front of the moon, blotting out the light. By the time it moved away, Laguna was gone, having finally begun his reluctant trip back to Esthar and to the vacant existence that awaited him there.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Next chapter. At this rate, I am thinking that this will be a short one, but we will see what happens as I keep writing. :) I hope to have a couple more chapters of _Long Shadows_ up by the end of this week and maybe another chapter of this fic. Stay tuned...

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

**Tuvile: **Thank you for the review. I have the original soundtrack on CD and on my computer (and often listen to it while I write), but I hadn't heard the orchestral version of _Fragments of Memories_ before. I managed to track it down today, and you are right about it being a good mood piece for the first chapter...I'm with you in wishing that there had been more moments with Raine than what we got in the game (and more with Laguna for that matter), so it's fun to write some more of them in my fics. I am pleased that you like how I handle her character, and yes, I have often thought that perhaps Squall inherited more than just his looks from her. :) I also agree though that she would have been a wonderful wife and mother to Laguna and Squall and it truly is a tragedy that she died when she did...Yes, things are not going to be easy for Laguna in this fic, and there will be other times like this when he will be close to an edge...hopefully I can still keep him in character. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update as well and good luck on your chicken casserole craving. ;)

Chapter Two

Kiros Seagill stared at his desk, his hands folded on top of the polished surface. He knew that Laguna had left the Palace again late last night, and he was starting to wonder how much longer he should remain silent about it.

It had started four days ago. He had dropped by Laguna's living quarters in the Palace late one evening to remind him of a meeting later that week and to invite Laguna to dinner with him and his wife, Mara. He rang the bell a couple of times and was surprised to receive no answer, knowing that Laguna had already gone to his rooms with no mention of any other plans. Concerned, he used his security card to override the locks and was even more surprised to discover that no one was there.

Kiros had been worried, but did not react right away. He knew that Laguna sometimes liked to sneak out of the Palace so he could spend time alone, and that the ex-soldier was generally cautious enough to stay out of any trouble. Instead he secretly monitored Laguna's living quarters and about seven hours later, Laguna returned quietly to his rooms. Kiros had been relieved and had chalked it up to Laguna simply wanting some time to himself.

It became worrisome again, however, when it became part of a new pattern.

In the past, Laguna would usually spend most of his evenings with Ellone, Kiros and Mara, Ward and his wife Temira or with some other combination thereof. During the day, he would have lunch with his friends or their wives or would talk to Squall if his son was in his office at Garden and could spare the time. Rarely did he spent his entire day outside of work alone, and Laguna often talked about how much he looked forward to spending time with his son and adopted daughter, his friends and their families.

Nowadays though, Laguna would work late and then use the excuse that he was tired to go back to his rooms alone supposedly to sleep. He only met with Kiros and Ward to discuss official matters and hadn't even tried to contact Squall the entire time.

Kiros leaned back in his chair and drew his hands into his lap. He had suspected that there had been some changes in his old friend about three weeks ago when he noticed that Laguna would often duck out of the Palace for lunch under the pretense that he wanted to get out and spend some time in the city. After a week of this, curiosity got the better of Kiros. He secretly followed Laguna and was shocked to discover that Laguna was meeting a woman at one of the local cafes and from the look of it; this was not the first time for either of them.

Once he got over the initial shock, Kiros had been delighted. He knew that Laguna had suffered a devastating loss when Raine died, and Kiros was often worried that he was lonely despite having his friends close by him at all times. After spending years as a widower, Laguna appeared no closer to being able to move on…that is until now.

Kiros ended up telling Ward about what he had found out, and Ward had also reacted positively. Both of them then started to wonder when Laguna was going to tell them about his new friend and were surprised when days and then weeks passed without a single word from Laguna about her.

The happiness Kiros had felt eventually turned into unease, and he became increasingly suspicious of why Laguna chose to keep this to himself. These suspicious soon drove him to discreetly investigate Laguna's lunch companion and run a background check on her. Kiros was not entirely comfortable with his decision to do this, but his deep-seated drive to protect Laguna won out in the end and he rationalized that it was his job to ensure the president's security.

Kiros learned that the woman's name was Alleen Ellas and that she used to be a model and was now a fashion designer. She was in her late thirties, had been born and raised in Esthar and had lived a fast-paced, but straightforward life thus far with nothing in her history that suggested any kind of threat to the president of Esthar. On the surface, it looked like an innocent enough affair, but Kiros could not get rid of the nagging question of why Laguna continued to hide her from him and Ward.

Still, Kiros had also noticed that Laguna seemed happy and more vibrant than usual, and he could not deny that he was pleased at the possibility that Laguna had found someone special. Over time, he resigned himself to the idea that Laguna would reveal everything when he was ready.

His elation shifted back to concern, however, earlier this week when Laguna's demeanor suddenly became far more subdued and he started to shut out the people around him unless it was related to work. Kiros wondered if it had something to do with Alleen and wanted to ask Laguna about it, but asking that would mean admitting that he had spied on his friend, and Kiros wasn't sure how Laguna would react to that.

The sound of familiar heavy footfalls interrupted Kiros' reverie and he looked up to see Ward walking toward him.

"…."

"No, I already asked him," Kiros said. "He said that he was too busy working on the agricultural trade agreements between Esthar and Dollet to join us for lunch."

"…."

"Yeah I know," Kiros sighed. "It isn't like him at all to choose to work on something as boring and tedious as that over getting lunch at his favorite pizza place. And even though he's trying to hide it from me, I know for a fact that he went on another one of his secret trips last night."

"…."

"Honestly? I don't know what to do at this point," Kiros said. "I thought about asking Ellone to talk to him, but she's vacationing with her fiancé in Trabia and won't be back for another two weeks."

"…."

"Squall?" Kiros said. "Maybe, but that is a gamble. You're right in saying that if anyone could get Laguna to talk at this point, it's him, but you know as well as I do that Squall is not always available and he's often not exactly eager to discuss feelings or personal stuff."

Kiros closed his eyes rubbed them with his fingertips while letting out a deep breath.

"Still, Squall has been willing to help Laguna out before, and it's probably the best option we have at this point," he continued. "I imagine that if I explain the situation to him, he'll be willing to come out here and find out what is going on. Laguna might be avoiding us, but he _never_ turns down an opportunity to spend time with Squall. I'll try calling him this afternoon."

Ward was about to say more, but then they heard the sound of women laughing and looked up to see Mara and Temira walking by them, waving as they passed by.

Mara was a couple inches shorter than Laguna and had long black hair that fell in waves down to her waist along with light, almost purple colored eyes. A scholar who was an expert on Centra's history and had written several books on the subject, Mara was usually quiet and studious, but she could also be social and outgoing in the right settings and she shared her husband's sharp wit and caring personality.

Temira, on the other hand, was always extroverted and lively. An artist who sometimes wrote and illustrated children's books, Ward's wife was about half a foot taller than Laguna with hazel eyes, a pug nose and short curly brown hair. Temira loved to entertain and was often arranging get-togethers and outings for her and Ward and for their friends, especially Laguna who she said always made her laugh.

Kiros and Ward saw that their wives were heading for Laguna's office, and they decided to follow them. They then watched as Mara and Temira nodded at the guards and carefully opened the door, silently creeping up to Laguna who was in his chair behind his desk, facing the other way. Both women smiled as they continued to sneak up on him before Temira dashed forward and put her hands over Laguna's eyes from behind. Laguna yelped and almost fell out of his chair, causing all of them to laugh. Laguna swiveled around to face them and Mara and Temira stood in front of him, their arms crossed over their chests.

"Laguna Loire, what is going on?" Temira said, tapping her fingers against her forearm. Laguna smiled and stood up while scratching the side of his head.

"What do you mean?" he said nervously.

"You know what I mean," Temira said with a mock frown. "You haven't had dinner with us once this week. And here I went and made one of your favorite desserts yesterday."

"Balamb Bon-Bon Cake?" Laguna asked.

"Exactly," Temira said. "I made sure to make plenty so that you could have a few slices and, how do you repay me? By avoiding us."

"I'm sorry," Laguna said. "It's just, I've been so busy this week and…."

"Don't give me that," Temira said. "Lame excuses like that might work on the rest of your staff around here, but you aren't fooling us. Last week, you said that you would stop by and let me show you some of my latest paintings."

"Actually, what she's wanting to do is have you read the book she just finished," Mara said with a smirk and a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "She knows that you are a perfect stand-in for her usual audience seeing as how you are essentially a big kid."

"Well yeah, there's that too," Temira laughed. "So come on, Loire, spill. Why haven't you come by to see us?"

"Honest Temira, it's just work, I swear," Laguna said, his eyes flicking over to the side. The gesture only lasted a second, but it was enough to let Kiros know that he was lying. Normally, Laguna was a terrible liar, and the fact that he put so much effort into hiding the truth this time worried Kiros even more.

"All right fine, don't tell us," Temira huffed. "But you need to stop working yourself to death. Look at you. You look like you haven't had a decent night's sleep in a week, and I doubt that you've had a real meal in all that time either."

"She's right, Laguna," Mara said, frowning. "You need to take better care of yourself than this. It looks like our husbands are not doing their job."

Mara and Temira looked over to give stern expressions to Kiros and Ward who both ducked their heads sheepishly while walking over to join them.

"You know how impossible it is to get Laguna to listen to anything we say, Mara," Kiros smiled at her. "Why do you think we got into so many scrapes as soldiers?"

"…."

"That's no excuse," Temira replied. "If he keeps acting that stubborn, you could just throw him over your shoulder and carry him to our place."

Ward rubbed the back of his head, and Laguna held his hands up.

"Ok, ok, I give," he said. "I'll make sure to drop by for dinner tonight."

"Good," Mara smiled at him. "Dinner will be at our place. I am trying out another traditional Galbadian recipe I got from Irvine Kinneas. He is actually a surprisingly good cook for being so young."

Kiros snorted, but held his tongue. It was true that the recipes Irvine gave Mara were good and were further enhanced by Mara's superior culinary skills, but he didn't feel like reminding his wife that Irvine learned to cook mainly as a way to pick up girls.

"I will make sure to bring over what's left of the Bon-Bon cake," Temira said. "And maybe if you behave I will add on something else too for dessert."

Both Mara and Temira then leaned in to give Laguna a hug and a kiss on the cheek while Kiros smiled at the sight. His and Ward's deep friendship with and sense of duty for Laguna sometimes complicated their lives, and both of them were grateful that their wives were not only patient and understanding about the situation, but were also very fond and protective of Laguna as well.

Mara and Temira then walked over to their husbands and kissed and embraced each of them as well.

"Mara and I are going out for a few things now," Temira said. "Dinner will be a six 'o clock sharp and we will expect you to be there. No excuses."

"…."

"You always say that, but I know you don't mean it," Temira grinned at Ward before arching up to kiss him again.

"Don't you dare try to come up with some excuse either," Mara said as Kiros held her close to him. Kiros frowned and looked into her eyes.

"I can't promise anything," he said. "You know how distracting Laguna can be."

"I know," she smiled at him. "But try anyway, for me." Kiros smiled back at her and bent down to kiss her forehead.

"Always for you, Mara," he murmured. "I'll see you later."

Mara gave him one last squeeze before letting him go and walking out of the room with Temira and Ward close behind them. Kiros thought about getting back to work as well, but hesitated and watched as Laguna slumped back down into his chair.

"Something on your mind?" Kiros said, hoping that he would get an answer. Laguna looked over at him and Kiros was dismayed at how tired Laguna's eyes were.

"I um…do you think there's any way we could clear my schedule this weekend?" Laguna asked him. Kiros walked back over to him and placed his hand on his chin.

"It might be a little tricky," he said. "Why?" Laguna looked away and turned his attention to the monitor in front of him.'

"I was thinking about asking Squall if he could come to Esthar and spend a couple days with me."

"Well, if that's the case, I'm sure I could arrange something," Kiros said with a warm grin. Laguna nodded and punched a few keys on his monitor.

"I'm going to go ahead and ask him now," he said. A few seconds later, Squall's face appeared on the monitor screen.

"Hello Dad," Squall said. "What is it?"

"Hey Squall," Laguna said. "Um, I know you're really busy and all, but uh…is there any way you could spare some time for me this weekend?" Squall studied his father silently over the monitor, and Kiros found himself praying that Squall would not turn Laguna down.

"I am pretty busy," Squall said. "But…Rinoa has been after me to take a break. We were thinking about spending a weekend in Deling, but I think I can convince her to come to Esthar instead."

"Great!" Laguna grinned, his eyes lighting up, much to Kiros' delight. "I'll see you this weekend. I'll make sure to have a place set up for you in the Palace, all right?"

"Whatever. I will see you then," Squall said before ending the conversation. It was abrupt, but both Laguna and Kiros were used to that by now.

"I guess I better get back to work," Laguna said. "These trade agreements aren't going to disappear any time soon."

"Sadly no," Kiros smirked at him. "I will stop by later with our agenda for tomorrow."

Laguna nodded and picked up a bundle of papers on his desk to read. Kiros watched him for a moment more before exiting. He was still uneasy about the changes he had seen in Laguna recently, but he hoped that Squall's visit would encourage Laguna to open up about whatever was eating at him.

Otherwise, Kiros was unsure if he could stop himself from taking more direct measures.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Next chapter. I probably should have mentioned this before now, but this fic is part of the path #2 timeline of my stories (check out my profile for more info on that), and thus follows some of my one-shots and my _Treasure_ fic. But as usual with the fics in this timeline, reading the other stories isn't completely necessary in order to enjoy this one. :)

Oh and the reference to antique weapons is a nod to Bebedora and her wonderful fic. If you enjoy Squall/Laguna fics, you really should check hers out. They are awesome. :)

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

Chapter Three

Squall stared at the landscape around him as the Ragnarok touched down the Airstation platform within the capital of Esthar, and he was almost certain that he could see his father staring back at him from the ground below.

He had been reluctant to leave Garden and his work behind for what he considered to be an unnecessary vacation, but after listening to Rinoa talk about how she tired and isolated she felt, Squall decided that it would probably be good for them to spend some time away.

'_The only time she leaves Garden is for missions and to occasionally visit her father,' _he had mused. '_I guess that would get stifling for someone like her after a while.'_

Squall could just barely make out an arm waving at him, and he sighed. Truthfully, he had been a little wary of accepting Laguna's invitation after listening to Rinoa talk animatedly about all the places she intended to visit in Deling, but as soon as he mentioned it to her; she seemed more than willing to change plans.

"_Esthar is an amazing city, and I never really got a chance to fully explore it like you have," _she had told him. _"Plus, with us staying with Laguna, I'm sure we'll get to enjoy all the best that it has to offer."_

The Ragnarok rumbled one last time as the engines turned off, and Squall sighed again. Even though she didn't say it, Squall was certain that Rinoa was also thinking that this would be a good opportunity for him to spend some more time with his father. Granted, that was not something he dreaded anymore, their relationship having improved dramatically over the last couple of years. But for some reason, Squall found that he still felt a little awkward at first whenever he met up with Laguna.

This visit in particular made Squall edgy for reasons he could not put his finger on. Something about the way his father had looked and sounded when he asked him to come convinced Squall that there was something more to this invitation than just a chance to spend some time together.

Squall frowned as he got up from his seat and followed Rinoa out of the passenger deck. He did not heading into situations without some idea of what was going on. Laguna was normally terrible at keeping things to himself, and it made Squall uneasy that his father was being so deliberately opaque.

"Look," Rinoa beamed as the doors opened up to the outside. "There's Laguna. He sure looks excited."

'_Of course he does,' _Squall thought to himself. '_When isn't Laguna excited?'_

"Hey Squall, Rinoa, how are you?" Laguna said, a grin on his face as he walked over to them with Kiros and Ward close behind. "How was your trip?"

"It was great," Rinoa smiled back. "And by the way, thanks for inviting us. I've wanted to see more of this wonderful city for a long time."

"Well don't worry," Laguna grinned at her. "I'll make sure you get the ultra-VIP, presidential treatment. Knowing Temira, you won't have a chance to miss out on anything."

"Temira?" Rinoa said, tilting her head.

"Oh that's right," Laguna said. "You haven't met Ward's wife yet. She's wonderful. I told her that you guys were coming and she offered to give you a "woman's tour" of the city, whatever that means. She and Mara…that's Kiros' wife…are stopping by the Palace later."

"Sounds like fun," Rinoa said. "I can't wait to meet them."

Laguna nodded and walked over closer to Squall. Laguna quietly stared at him for several moments, and for once, Squall wished that his father would break the silence.

"It's good to see you, son," Laguna finally said, his tone unusually solemn.

"It's…good to see you too, Dad," Squall said with a nod.

Laguna nodded back and held out his hand. Squall was about to reach out and shake it when suddenly Laguna grabbed him for a crushing embrace instead. Squall immediately tensed up and was about to protest, citing their previously established guidelines about this sort of thing, but the way Laguna was hugging him was different than usual. Instead of careful and affectionate, it was clumsy and almost desperate. It was as if Laguna was clinging to him for dear life.

Squall slowly shifted his arms to return the embrace. He wasn't comfortable with Laguna hugging him this way, but he also sensed that his father needed this so he did his best to put his agitation aside.

A few seconds later, Laguna let go and backed away while ducking his head. Squall noted that Kiros was watching his father, and that Kiros had that look in his eyes that he always had whenever he sensed an imminent threat to Laguna which only added to his apprehension.

"Sorry," Laguna mumbled as he scratched the side of his head. "I know that's against the rules and all…."

"Don't worry about it," Squall replied. "We should get our stuff to wherever it is that we're staying."

"You'll be staying at the Palace, of course," Laguna nodded. "I've already got some guest quarters all set up for you and for Rinoa."

"Actually Dad," Squall said with a cough. "Rinoa and I would prefer to share a room." Laguna's mouth fell open a little, his cheeks turning pink.

"O-oh, of course," he stuttered. "Of course you would. What was I thinking? Well there's plenty of space for two people in either of the rooms I had prepared. Just pick whichever one you want."

Thank you," Rinoa said warmly. "We really do appreciate all this, but please, don't feel like you have to fuss over us."

"Oh that's ok," Laguna said, his grin returning. "I know you guys don't get to take a vacation very often, so I want you to be able to make the most of your time here. And um, I don't know what your plans are, but I was kind of hoping we could have dinner here at the Palace this evening. Mara and Temira had this feast planned out and I was hoping we could…you know…."

"That's fine with us," Rinoa smiled at him.

"Sure," Squall said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I didn't really want to do a whole lot today anyway."

"Great," Laguna said. "Well, let's get going. I've got a transport waiting for us. I was thinking we could take the long way back so Rinoa could check some more of the city. They've done some really cool stuff with the areas that had to be renovated after the Lunar Cry…."

Laguna continued to babble on while all of them walked out of the Airstation. Squall observed that, on the surface, Laguna was definitely his usual buoyant, energetic self with only that one tense moment when his father hugged him being out of place. He watched as Laguna told Rinoa about all the changes that had been made since the last time she was there, and Squall suddenly noticed that there was a slight flicker in his father's eyes once in a while as he talked and that Laguna's hands twitched for just a second here and there as he walked toward the transport.

It was then that Squall knew for sure that Laguna was hiding something with the only questions being what it was and why was his father felt the need to conceal it.

* * *

A couple hours later, all of them had returned to the Palace to drop of Squall's and Rinoa's luggage, and as Laguna had predicted, Mara and Temira were there to greet them. Laguna, Kiros and Ward went back to their offices, citing some "last minute errands" as their reason, leaving Squall and Rinoa in the women's care. After a few minutes of conversation, Squall decided to leave and figure out which room they were going to use while Rinoa continued to visit.

"I'll meet up with you later tonight for dinner," she had told him. "In the mean time, you could spend some time with your father."

Squall merely grunted in reply and carried the bags toward the direction Laguna had indicated the guest rooms were, deciding for now to focus on getting settled instead.

One of the rooms had windows that overlooked the heart of the city, and it didn't take long for Squall to decide to pick this room for their stay. The city outside gleamed in the sunlight, but this vantage point made it so that the light was not oppressive.

Squall sat Rinoa's bags near the bed and unpacked his own things. He then watched the transports zoom by and the people mull around for a couple minutes before realizing that he was bored and wanted to find something to do.

He ended up exploring the halls of the Palace. Other times when he had visited Laguna, he had chosen to stay at a hotel and would only stop by Laguna's office or his living quarters. This time, he decided to check out the entire building, and Squall was surprised at how it seemed even larger than it did from the outside. He smirked at one point as he wondered if Laguna ever got lost.

Eventually his wanderings led to him discovering a balcony in an isolated corner of the Palace, and Squall walked out to it. Once he was there, he looked around and blinked at the scenery around him. Instead of the usual panoramic view of the city, the buildings across from him seemed to slope upward slightly, the light catching in such a way as to create a prism effect as it landed on the glass surfaces.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Squall started slightly as he looked over toward the edge of the balcony and saw Laguna standing there, leaning against the railing.

"I like to come out here to think," Laguna continued as he walked over to him. "Especially in the evening. That's when this place practically glows. A lot people miss this spot when they're looking for a place to enjoy the rest of the city, so there's hardly ever anyone else here."

Squall nodded and watched as his father moved to stand next to him and face the buildings in front of them. Laguna leaned heavily onto the railing, his eyes fixed to the streets below.

"This really is an amazing place," Laguna said quietly. "Sometimes, when work gets boring, tedious, or frustrating or when I think about all the things I missed out on by choosing to stay instead of going back to Winhill with Elle, I start to wonder if it was worth it: me staying here and being the president."

Laguna puffed his cheeks out and released a long sigh as he looked up toward the sky. Squall said nothing and studied his father's face, noting the dark circles he saw under Laguna's eyes.

"But then I come out here, and I guess it all seems worth it," Laguna continued. "I think 'hey, maybe I didn't screw up so much after all.'"

Laguna chuckled. It wasn't a cheerful sound, and Squall felt anxious as he thought back to the last time his father acted like this.

It was after a botched rescue operation that Laguna had arranged with SeeDs from Galbadia Garden. Terrorists had taken some people hostage at the Sorceress Memorial, and Laguna had gone with the rescue team in order to make it look like they were there to negotiate. The plan had fallen through, however, and instead, Laguna ended up being one of the few survivors of a firefight that claimed the lives of all the terrorists, half of the SeeDs, and three of the hostages.

Laguna had been pretty shell-shocked for days afterward, but even that did not unnerve Squall as much as the tightly-controlled, evasive, and somber demeanor his father had now.

"What about you?" Laguna asked, lifting his head. "Commander of Balamb Garden. I hear that you'll probably be the Headmaster before too long. How do you feel about all that?"

Squall turned to face the city, his eyes fixed on a vivid spectrum of light nearby.

"I guess I don't think about it that much," he said. "Garden and being a SeeD was all I ever knew growing up, and this whole Commander thing was just sort of thrust my way before I had a chance to consider it."

Squall ran a hand over his face while Laguna nodded in response and waited patiently for him to continue.

"But after doing this for a while and having a chance to take it all in…I think I really do want to do this," Squall said. "Sure, it's not perfect, and there are times when I think about maybe doing something else, but those thoughts never last more than a day. Then I realize that I'm satisfied with where I am and what I am doing with my life."

"Good," Laguna said, his smile genuine. "I'm really glad to hear that, son. And um, what about Rinoa? Have you and she…uh….Well, do you think they'll be any, you know, wedding plans in the near future?"

Squall felt his cheeks flush as he began to frown. This was the first time Laguna had ever really asked him about his relationship with Rinoa and it blindsided him. Perhaps even more surprising to him than that though was the fact that he actually was willing to answer Laguna's question.

"We've talked about it a few times," Squall mumbled. "We definitely want to be together, but as far as making it official goes..."

Squall shrugged and rubbed the corner of his eye. Laguna moved closer to him, a breeze tossing the loose strands of his hair to the side.

"Can I give you a piece of advice?" Laguna asked. Squall looked over at him and nodded, and Laguna took a deep breath.

"If you know she's the one, don't wait around for the perfect moment to take that next step," his father said. "I know it might seem like you have an endless stretch of time to wait, but…that's not always how it works out. I'm sure you know that already, given your profession and the way you have to live. But I…I still think that it's really easy to forget that sometimes. I know I wish I hadn't waited so long to tell Raine that I…."

Laguna swallowed hard and shook his head. For a moment, Squall thought that that would be the end of it and was surprised when his father started talking again.

"I'm just saying that you shouldn't let any of the time you have with Rinoa slip away if you don't have to," he said. "Don't lose sight of how precious your life with her is. Could you do me a favor and make sure to remember all of that?"

"Dad, what is going on?" Squall asked, troubled by the path this conversation was taking. "Why did you invite us out here for the weekend?" Laguna blinked, confusion registering on his face for only a second before it was replaced with another grin.

"No reason," Laguna said. "That is, unless you consider my wanting to spend some more time with my son a reason. I know I do. But um, Squall about what I just asked you about…."

Squall sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. He had a nagging suspicion that Laguna had just lied to him, and he discovered that he did not like the idea of his father, who was normally one of the most honest people in the world, lying to him. Still, he also was certain that he wouldn't be able to drag the truth out of Laguna right now and made a mental note to talk to Kiros at some point to get his perspective on the situation.

"All right, Dad," he said. "I promise that I'll remember all the stuff you said." Laguna grinned again and patted his arm.

"Thanks Squall," he said. "Hey uh, you want to go do something? I've got some great new movies and games we could check out. Oh and I went to a weapons expo in Trabia a few weeks ago and was able to track down some awesome pieces for my antique weapons collection. You want to see them?"

"Sure," Squall said. "Lead the way."

Laguna smiled and started to walk away with Squall following him when suddenly Laguna stopped and whirled around to face him, his expression serious again.

"There is one more thing," Laguna said. He then placed his hands on Squall's shoulders and clasped them gently while making sure to look his son in the eye.

"I just want you to know…that I'm proud of you," Laguna said. "And that there's not a single moment when I don't feel honored that you call me 'father'." Squall felt his face grow hot again and he looked down and off to the side.

"Thank you," he mumbled. Laguna patted his arms a couple times and let go.

"Come on," he said. "Wait until you see the sabers I bought. You won't believe the condition I found them in."

Squall only partially listened as Laguna rambled on, his mind still distracted by the vague worries that had begun to form in his mind.

* * *

"I saw our son today," Laguna murmured as he pressed his cheek against the cool marble of the headstone. "I actually got him to spend the weekend with me."

It was after midnight, and once again, Laguna was alone on the outskirts of Winhill, having left the Palace after everyone had gone to their rooms for the night. This time, when he arrived, he immediately sat on the ground and laid down onto the grave. The ground was still wet and dirt and grass were staining his clothes, but he didn't care.

"I wish you could meet him, Raine," he added. "He's such a great kid…not that I had much to do with that. He's already figured out so much about his life and what he wants out of it. Far more than I did at his age. I don't know if I ever would have figured it all out if it hadn't been for you."

Laguna sniffled and shivered from the chill in the air as the tears slid out of his eyes.

"And you know what?" he said, his voice unsteady. "I'm sure now that he'll be ok on his own. He's got his friends, he's got Rinoa…she's lovely, you'd like her…and he's got a great future ahead of him. And Elle…I know that Elan will make sure to take great care of her. I'm really glad she was able to find someone like him."

A few more tears ran down his cheeks, and Laguna swiped at them and closed his eyes. He laid his arm across the grass and was almost able to imagine that Raine was snuggling up to him and that he was holding her.

"I wish I could stay longer," he whispered. "But I think Kiros is starting to suspect something. And you know how he is. He'll get Ward involved, and Ward, he never lets up once he's fixated on something."

Laguna laughed and sniffed hard as he brushed the grass lightly with his arm.

"Sometimes, I wish I could get Kiros to stop with that whole "guardian" mentality he has," he said. "It can be a real pain at times. But I know that it's a major part of the traditions of his people and it's not something he can just switch off. Still, I…he…."

Laguna gulped and pulled his arms close to him so he could bury his face against his forearms.

"He should have chosen someone else to be his _contiami_," he said, his voice hitching again. "I wonder how he'd feel knowing that the person he chose to protect and fight to the death for was laying here crying his eyes out because…because I'm scared. I'm so scared, Raine. I don't know what to do."

Laguna trembled and wept for a few more minutes before finally getting a hold of himself and opening his eyes. He then sat up and scrubbed his face vigorously while breathing deeply to calm his nerves. He looked back down at the headstone and kissed his fingertips before touching them to the name carved there.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said with a slight smile. "I love you."

Laguna stared at the grave for one more minute before getting back onto his feet and walking toward the small aircraft he had left about a mile away from here. He knew that he needed to get back to the Palace and try to get some sleep so that he could make the most of his time with Squall tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Next chapter. Sorry that updates have been taking so long. I'm still adjusting to this new schedule. I hope to have a much shorter gap between chapters from here. In the meantime, I hope my readers will enjoy this longer chapter. :)

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :)

**KeyOfNostalgia: **Thanks for the review. :) Sadly, I can say that things will get worse before they get better, but I can also tell you that there will be more father/son moments before this one is over. :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update as well.

**Aerois: **Thanks for the review. Sadly, I will repeat what I said above and mention that things are going to spiral downward some more, but as far as how this will turn out...um, I'll take a pass at this point. *hides* I do like that you are enjoying how the plot is unfolding in this one and expect some more answers as to what is going on in this chapter. I hope you enjoy it. :D

**Guest: **Thank you. I am glad that you enjoy my style and that it flows well for you. I know that I'm not always successful at editing my own stuff, but I think I am getting a little better at it, so again, thanks for the encouragement. :) And also, thank you for your comments about how I handle Laguna and Raine. I've noticed that the more I write for them, the more I enjoy exploring their relationship. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Chapter Four

"Squall, have you noticed anything…different about Laguna?"

Squall sighed and shook his head. He and Rinoa were sitting on a bench on the balcony of their room, watching the city below them become increasingly lively as the day began. The sky was clear, but the air was crisp which made the desert sun pleasant and not oppressive. Rinoa had spent a few minutes telling him about her trip into Esthar yesterday with Mara and Temira with Squall making an effort to take in the gist of what she said. Once she was done, Squall had scooted closer to her, and she leaned over to rest against his side. They stayed that way silently for a couple moments before Rinoa broke the silence by asking him that question.

"Yeah, I have," he replied. "He's been acting strangely ever since we got here. And I know that it's not just us. Kiros is shadowing him even more than usual. It's like he senses some kind of threat to Laguna, but he doesn't know what it is or where it will come from. I'm pretty sure Ward notices it too. He's just not commenting on it."

"I wonder what's wrong," Rinoa said. "I hope it's nothing serious."

"I couldn't tell you," Squall shrugged. "I tried to ask him, but he keeps acting like it's nothing. And he's trying harder than ever to cover it up, but I know he's lying. You know him. He's terrible at lying."

"Yes, he is," Rinoa smiled. "You know, that isn't such a bad thing. I kind of wish it was that hard for most people to lie. So…has he said anything about why he invited us here?"

"Just that he wanted to spend time with us," Squall said, shrugging again. "Last night, he kept giving me advice."

"Like what?"

Squall scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't really want to have this conversation with her while having to deal with his father's issues, but he couldn't see any way to avoid it.

"He asked me if we were thinking about getting married any time soon," he said. "And when I said that we were still discussing it, he told me I shouldn't wait any longer than I have to."

"Are you surprised he said that?" Rinoa asked him.

Squall blinked and let his arms fall to his sides. Truthfully, he hadn't expected Laguna to be so adamant about the idea, especially after how he reacted at the idea of him and Rinoa sharing a room. It wasn't until Rinoa asked him that question that Squall realized just how much his father's words had stunned him.

"Maybe he just doesn't want you to have to go through what he did," Rinoa said, placing her hand onto his. "He spent such a brief time with your mother."

"Brief?" Squall replied. "From what I've seen and heard, he spent about a year and a half with her."

"Squall, she was the love of his life," Rinoa said gently. "A little over a year is very short for a love like that. Mara mentioned that Kiros told her that Laguna took her death extremely hard. And from what she and Temira told me, there hasn't been anyone else in your father's life since."

Rinoa looked out at the city again while she squeezed Squall's hands. She then stretched her legs out in front of her and swished them up and down.

"I can't imagine that," she said. "I can't imagine living all those years alone without the one I love. I don't know how Laguna is able to bear it. I don't know if I could."

Squall put his arm around her and held her close to him. He thought about these last couple of years that he had spent with Rinoa and realized that his father's relationship with his mother was probably just as intense. It was then that he found that he could understand why Laguna had not been with anyone else after she died. When he thought about the possibility of losing Rinoa, Squall couldn't stop himself from shivering inwardly. He was certain that he would have a hard time moving on…that is, if he was ever able to at all.

Soon, Squall shared Rinoa's bewilderment as to how Laguna was able to endure that kind of loss and isolation for so many years. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Laguna was not bearing up as well as everyone thought he was.

'_Is that why he invited me here?' _he wondered. _'Because the loneliness is finally getting to him and he's…?'_

Squall shivered again as a new, much more disturbing thought entered his brain. He went over the time he had spent with Laguna again and thought back to the things his father had told him.

'_The way he was clinging to me when I showed up…I thought it was because he missed me but…It was also like he wanted to savor being around me one last time….'_

'_He asked me to remember the things he was telling me…like he might not get a chance to tell me again….'_

'_He kept asking me about my life…as if he was making sure that I would be all right if he were to….'_

"Squall?" Rinoa asked, grabbing both of his hands. "You're so pale all the sudden. What's wrong? What are you thinking about?"

"I…I…."

Squall swallowed hard and looked away from her. He wanted to tell Rinoa what he was thinking, if only to hear her argue that it wasn't true, that what he was thinking was just him being paranoid. But telling her would mean putting his fears into words, and words had weight and meaning. Words would make those fears real and possible. As much as he wanted Rinoa to comfort him, Squall simply could not allow those fears to gain any substance.

'_Besides, I'm probably over-thinking this. There could be lots of other reasons why Laguna is acting this way. And…what Rinoa said could very well be it. Maybe Laguna is just lonely and needs to spend some time with family. Maybe thinking about me and Rinoa is reminding him of Raine. Or maybe he's facing some major decisions involving Esthar and its future. Or maybe some bad happened during the course of his work, and he's still working through it. It could be any of this or none of it. It's stupid to dwell on just one possibility when there are plenty of other ones out there.'_

Squall pulled himself away from her and stood up.

"Rinoa, I need to talk to Kiros," he said.

"Squall, what is it?" Rinoa said as she rose to her feet. "Do you think…do you think that something is wrong with Laguna?"

"I don't know what to think," Squall said with a scowl. "But something is going on, and I want to know what it is. Laguna isn't talking, so Kiros is probably the best option right now."

Rinoa nodded and followed him as he left the balcony to begin searching. Squall hoped that Kiros would be able to give him some answers.

Because if he wasn't, Squall knew that he his fears would only grow from here.

* * *

Laguna stood in front of the windows in his bedroom. Staring out at the city, he thought about how it was times like this that he noticed Raine's absence even more. The view of Esthar from his bedroom was one of the best ones in the whole Palace, and he was sure that she would have loved being able to wake up every day to this sight.

Whereas Laguna was sure that he would have loved waking up every day to the sight of her lying by his side.

Laguna sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He had made plans to spend some time with Squall today and knew that he needed to get dressed and leave his rooms. Still, he was finding it difficult to muster up the energy to move one step.

He then looked over at his bed side stand and saw a toy Moogle smiling at him. The doll had been a gift from Squall and seeing it made Laguna smile. He remembered Squall telling him about how it had been a treasured possession of his when he was a child. He also remembered being stunned when his son gave it to him saying that he had helped him realize that he wasn't alone.

Laguna felt his eyes water up as recalled how much love had been behind that gesture, and it reminded him of how grateful he was that Squall was a part of his life.

'_No, I can't hide away in here all day. I need to spend time with Squall…with my son. I've had so little time with him. I can't afford to lose one more precious second.'_

'_Not like I did with Raine.' _

He looked down at the wedding band on his finger. On the night he had given her a matching ring; Laguna had told Raine that he would love her forever. Before that moment, forever had seemed like such an impossible length of time, and he had a hard time believing that anything could be forever. But staring into Raine's eyes and seeing the way the stars made them shine, Laguna was certain that forever would not be so impossible after all.

"_You're pathetic Loire."_

"_Why don't you just go back to her?"_

Laguna closed his eyes and rested his head against the cool glass. He wondered if Raine would be angry at him right now…or if she would just feel sorry for him.

Laguna let out another sigh, the tears rising up in his throat making it ragged. Even though it had been days since he had heard those words, they still were an open wound in his heart.

Then he thought back to when that voice wasn't so hurtful and full of venom, to when it was actually sweet and friendly.

Back to the moment when Laguna had thought that his life was about to change.

* * *

"_Hello…is anyone sitting here?"_

_Laguna started and looked up from his menu to see a blond, statuesque woman standing in front of his table, a smile on her face. Laguna had started coming to this restaurant a little over a year ago and had arranged it with the owner to give him a table in the back corner in an attempt to give him some privacy. So far it had worked and no one had noticed him. Thus, he was shocked when someone decided to approach him today._

"_Uh no," he stammered. "No…no I….please…."_

_The woman giggled and it reminded Laguna of how Julia acted on the night she had invited him to her room. Even though he had been very nervous, he had quickly realized that the laughter was not mocking, but was borne out of affection._

_It was then that Laguna felt his trademark leg cramp flare up, but he managed to ignore the pain and smile._

"_Thanks," she said as she sat down. "I had heard that this restaurant was great, and I've been trying to get a seat here for weeks now. How'd you manage it?" Laguna scratched the side of his head._

"_I, um, I know the owner," he said. "He arranged it so I could have a table whenever I come."_

"_Lucky," she said. "I wish I knew people like that. Say, since you know the owner, you probably know what's good here, right?" The woman snatched up the menu lying in front of Laguna and started to scan it._

"_So tell me, which should I go with?" she asked. "The chicken special or the fish of the day?"_

"_Oh definitely the fish," Laguna said, his head bobbing. "It's best you can get outside of Balamb."_

"_Oh really, you've been to Balamb?" she said as she looked up from the menu. _

"_I, I've been lots of places," Laguna said with a cough. _

"_That's so exciting," she beamed. "I've always wanted to travel, but it seems like I never have the time…. Ok, so I'm going to go with your recommendation. I better not be disappointed."_

"_You won't be," Laguna insisted. "I'm sure of it."_

_Laguna flagged a waiter and ordered for both of them. Once the waiter had taken their orders and filled their water glasses, the woman put her elbows on the table and laced her fingers together, resting her chin on top of them._

"_So, you said you've been lots of places, right?" she said. "Would you mind telling me about your travels?"_

"_Oh no, not at all," Laguna said with a laugh. _

"_Great," she smiled again. "Oh and by the way, my name is Alleen. Alleen Ellas. Pleased to meet you."_

"_Pleased to meet you too," Laguna said. "And you can just call me Laguna." Alleen laughed again._

"_Ok, 'just Laguna'," she said. "So tell me, where all have you been?"_

_Laguna proceeded to tell her about his travels to Balamb, Dollet, and Trabia while Alleen hung on his every word. He continued even after their food arrived and the two of them ended up having a leisurely meal. By the end of their lunch, the restaurant was empty except for the two of them. Alleen leaned back in her chair with a smile on her face._

"_Well Laguna, I can honestly say that this is the best lunch I've had in a long time," she said. _

"_Me too," Laguna replied. "Easily the best one I've had in weeks."_

"_And you were definitely right about the fish too," Alleen added. "But I think this place is closing up to get ready for dinner hours. We better get out of here before they throw us out."_

"_Yeah, you're probably right," he said. _

_Alleen waved her hand at a waiter, who immediately dashed over to their table._

"_Our checks," she said. Laguna held out his hand._

"_Oh no, let me cover this," he said. _

"_I can't let you do that," she said. "I know for a fact that this place is horribly expensive. And if you're worried about me having enough money, don't be. I have a very comfortable income."_

"_It's no trouble, really," Laguna insisted. "Trust me, I can afford it. Hey, um, Gilles, right? Just charge all of this to my account."_

"_Of course, Mister President," Gilles replied. "And thank you again for your patronage."_

"_No problem," Laguna grinned at him. "Oh and tell Franus that the fish was excellent as usual."_

"_Will do, sir, and thank you."_

_The waiter rushed away, and Laguna looked back at Alleen to see that her face had turned bright red._

"_Wait…wait a minute," she gasped. "Laguna…Laguna…Loire? Oh Hyne, __the__ Laguna Loire? As in President Laguna Loire?" Laguna felt his leg cramp return with a vengeance and it took every ounce of willpower he had to bite back a yelp of pain._

"_Um yeah, that's me," he said as he reached down to massage his leg. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew."_

"_I thought you looked familiar somehow," she responded. "But it didn't even occur to me that you…well that you were…. Hyne, I feel like such an idiot. I can't believe that I just had lunch with the president and didn't even realize it."_

"_It's ok, really," he said, holding his hands out to her. "To be honest, it was nice to be able to talk to someone without having to worry about all that formality and stuff for a change. Often, I only get to do that with Kiros and Ward."_

"_Kiros and Ward...? Oh of course, you mean Ministers Seagill and Zabac," she said, her face still scarlet. "And you even mentioned them while you were talking about your travels, and yet it still didn't register. Wow, I just…I still can't believe that I didn't recognize you."_

"_Don't worry, I'm not offended," Laguna said. "I'm just glad that you let me yap away for so long."_

"_Not at all," Alleen said. "You really do have some fascinating stories. Oh and um, I was wondering…is it true what they say, about Minister Seagill? I heard that he's friendly on the surface…but actually he's a brilliant and deadly assassin. What's it like, traveling around with someone like that?"_

"_Well don't believe everything that you hear in the tabloids," Laguna laughed. "Yes, Kiros is super smart and a great guy, but he's also a grouch and can be really annoying sometimes. As for that whole 'deadly assassin' thing…it's really not like that. Most of the time he just gives me stuff to read and sign and makes sure that I don't miss any of my appointments."_

"_Wow, you're right," she giggled. "That doesn't sound like the kind of routine an elite assassin would have."_

_They laughed together for a moment more before Alleen shook her hand and leaned forward to stare at him. Laguna blushed and looked down at his plate._

"_You know…I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that you're President Loire, the savior of Esthar," she said. "I was a teenager back when Adel was still in power, and my dad supported the resistance movement. He was always talking about you and I remember wondering how someone like the man he described could even exist in this world. But now, meeting you here…I mean, you seem like…just an ordinary guy. Oh Hyne, I'm sorry. That sounds bad. I mean, you are a really nice guy and…."_

"_Again, it's ok," he said. _

"_Say…I know we just met and all, but I'd really like to do this again," Alleen said. "If that's ok with you. I mean, I'm sure you've got all kinds of important meetings and all…."_

"_No, no, I'd love to do this again," he said. "I've got to eat some time, right?"_

"_How about tomorrow?"_

"_Tomorrow works. Do you want to meet here again…or would you like to try some place different. I have a reserved seat in a lot of the best places in Esthar…some of them I bet you've never heard of."_

"_Well then, I think I'll leave it in your hands," she smiled at him. "Laguna."_

* * *

Laguna sighed and he leaned even more against the glass. Before that meeting, it had been years since he had spent time with a woman socially, the last one being Raine. At first, it had terrified him and then afterwards he found himself feeling somewhat guilty over the whole thing. Still, he also couldn't deny that it felt good to have such an attractive woman show an interest in him, and he had enjoyed spending time with her. Thus, he didn't regret asking Alleen for another lunch date, a small part of him hoping that maybe this could lead to something more.

Laguna opened his eyes and looked back down at his wedding band again.

'_Raine I….'_

Suddenly his train of thought was interrupted by a sharp, stabbing pain that flared up throughout his abdomen and between his temples. He groaned and immediately dropped down to his knees while clutching the sides of his head. He crawled over to his bed stand and opened the drawer at the top. Another wave of pain assaulted him, and Laguna cried out while slumping against his bed. He then reached a trembling hand up into the drawer and clawed at the contents until he found a bundle of glass vials near the front. He grabbed one of them out of the bundle and popped the cap off before bringing it to his lips and gulping the liquid inside. Then Laguna laid down onto the carpet and breathed deeply while he waited for the pain to subside.

* * *

_One week ago, Laguna had been to see his personal physician for his annual physical and had returned the next day to get the results. His usual physician had been called away on a family matter, so a colleague of his, Doctor Paget Batol was filling in. _

_While waiting for the results, Laguna hopped up onto the examination table and swung his legs back and forth. Even though he was no longer a soldier, Laguna was determined to remain fit and did so with an exercise routine that was monitored by Kiros, who had also designed it for him. Thus, he continued to look more than ten years younger than he was and rarely got sick. This check up was usually a short one and little more than a formality with his doctor telling him to continue on with whatever he was doing to keep himself in such excellent shape. _

_This time, however, Laguna had been having some headaches and occasional pains in his chest, so the doctor had run a couple more tests than usual. When Batol walked into the room to talk to Laguna, he had a grave expression on his face._

"_Mister President, there is something we need to discuss," he said. Laguna's smile immediately fell. He had learned a long time ago that it was never a good thing when doctors talked like that. _

"_I was looking over your blood work and I happened to notice some…irregularities," Batol said. _

"_What do you mean?" Laguna said with a gulp. Batol looked up from his file and shook his head._

"_Mister President…are you familiar with Tze-Barre disease?"_

_Laguna gasped, his eyes widening. When he was a kid, his mother mentioned that she had a brother who died from Tze-Barre when she was a young girl. The symptoms she had described had sounded horrific, and she told him that, while it was rare, it sometimes ran in families. Laguna remembered praying that he wouldn't have to watch his mother go through something like that and had been slightly relieved when she died peacefully in her sleep instead. _

_It hadn't even occurred to him that he would have to face it himself someday._

"_Um…my uncle had it," he mumbled. "He…he died before I was born."_

"_I see," Batol said. "Well I am sorry to say that there is a possibility that you may have contracted it as well. Of course, I can't say for certain right now, so we will need to run another test to be sure."_

_Laguna shook and gripped at the edges of the examination table. His mind recalled all the terrible things his mother had told him about the disease: the bouts of debilitating fever, the agonizing spasms throughout the body, the nausea and vomiting that made it impossible to eat and would reduce a person to a skeleton in weeks, not to mention the migraines that would eventually lead to nightmares, hallucinations and memory loss._

"_Now, I can go ahead and run the test today, if you would like," Batol continued, oblivious to Laguna's distress. "That way we can know for sure in a few days. It's a simple test. Only takes a few minutes. Then we can schedule an appointment to go over the results. How does that sound?"_

"_S-sure," Laguna stuttered. "T-that would be f-fine."_

"_Good," Batol nodded. "I'll arrange for the test with the nurses and will be back here in a little bit to fetch you."_

"_Doctor," Laguna said. "Um, is there…you know…isn't there anything you can do if it's…?"_

"_Well there are treatments, yes," Batol said. "Although, I should warn you that often, they are almost as grueling as the disease itself, and only a small fraction of the patients who do get treated are cured."_

_Laguna nodded and went back to staring at his feet while the doctor wrote some things in his file. _

"_Now, I can give you something for the symptoms you're experiencing now," he said. "And then, once we know more, we can discuss your options."_

_Laguna nodded mutely again and the doctor started to walk out of the room, but paused in the doorway. _

"_Mister President, it's not my place to say this, but….Perhaps now would be a good time to start making plans. Just in case."_

_The doctor left the room, and Laguna laid down on his side on the examination table. He curled up into a tight ball and shivered, unable to speak or truly process any of the emotions raging inside him._

* * *

Laguna took one last deep breath before slowly sitting back up and running his hands over his face. So far, these spells had been rare and he had been able to hide them from everyone. But this morning's bout had been the worst one yet, and Laguna wondered how much longer he would be able to function normally.

Laguna reached over to pick up the framed picture of Raine and him sitting by his bed and ran a finger along her face.

'_Raine, please…please help me. I need you so much right now. I don't know how I'm going to get through this….'_

Laguna hugged the picture to his chest and closed his eyes.

'_Hyne, please. Let me have this one last weekend with Squall. Let me have a little more time with my son before…before….'_

Laguna shook his head and put the picture back before finally rising to his feet. Thoughts of Squall gave him the determination he needed to find his courage and face the day ahead of him.

At this point, he hoped that that would continue to be enough to sustain him for a little while longer.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Next chapter. I plan on wrapping up my _Long Shadows Before Dawn_ fic and having another chapter of this up by the end of the week. Fingers crossed. :)

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :D

**KeyOfNostalgia: **As always, thanks for the review. :) Yes, sadly, as I mentioned elsewhere, things are not going to go well for a while, but as far as how the situation with Laguna will turn out...well, I'm going to leave that a mystery for now. ;) But I can say that you're right in thinking that the others are going to start figuring things out and as you will see in this chapter, things are going to get even more intense when they do. I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Five

Later that evening, Kiros Seagill walked down the halls of the Presidential Palace, his pace swift and purposeful.

* * *

"_Kiros, we need to talk."_

_Kiros looked up to see Squall walk into this office. He could tell that Squall was agitated over something and was concerned about what could be causing it._

"_Sure," Kiros said. "What is on your mind?" _

_Squall took a deep breath and then proceeded to tell Kiros about his recent conversations with Laguna before asking him if he knew anything about why his father was acting that way. Kiros was initially reluctant to tell Squall what he knew; unsure of how much Laguna would want his son to know about his private life. However, he eventually relented in the face of Squall's anxiety. He told Squall the basics of what he knew about Laguna's secret trips and about his demeanor around the Palace while making sure to avoid any mention of Laguna's meetings with Ellas. _

_Once he was done, Squall spent a couple of minutes of silent contemplation while he digested everything he had heard before speaking._

"_Maybe Rinoa was right all along," he said. "She thought that perhaps Laguna was just feeling isolated and felt the need to give me some advice so I wouldn't fall into the same trap."_

"_It makes sense," Kiros said, putting his hand to his chin. "Unfortunately, Laguna's position and authority makes it difficult for him to socialize casually with people. Granted, people tend to be quite solicitous to him, but all too often there are ulterior motives involved. I know it's draining for him to consider that every person he meets might be looking for some kind of favor from him."_

"_I can understand that," Squall said with a frown. "I've already seen it myself as Garden Commander. Sometimes you get cadets who want to rise up in the ranks a little faster or who are looking for some kind of edge. And often, they think they can get what they want by asking me to 'mentor' them or letting me know that they'll be available for any 'special favors' I might need."_

"_Then I think you can imagine what it's like for Laguna, who has an even wider scope of power, to deal with that for almost two decades," Kiros replied. "And you know how he is. He always wants to assume the best of people and is always looking for ways to help. Sadly, there are many people who are eager to take advantage of those tendencies…and of him."_

"_Have there been a lot of problems in the past?" Squall said, his anxious tone returning. _

"_So far, nothing major," Kiros said. "Laguna will often play the fool, but he's actually sharper and more insightful than he might appear on the surface. Plus, access to Laguna is somewhat limited. He likes to interact with the public as much as possible, but there are always attendants and security around to make sure that those interactions are kept safe and under control. Still…."_

_Kiros let his words trail off while Squall nodded. Kiros crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a nearby wall._

"_It's probably our natures to worry and analyze things, but I agree with what you said earlier about how we might be over-thinking this," Kiros added. "This isn't the first time that Laguna has been disheartened. I suppose we notice it so much simply because it's his nature to be optimistic and upbeat about life. Maybe he just needs time to let these feelings pass."_

"_And maybe that's why he wanted me to come this weekend," Squall said, nodding. "To help him cheer up."_

"_Exactly," Kiros replied. "Speaking of which, I'll assume that Laguna already has a full itinerary lined up for you today." _

"_Yeah, he said something about taking me to the 'funest place in all of Esthar'," Squall said. "Whatever that means."_

"_Uh-oh," Kiros said, putting a hand to his face. "The Esthar Game Kingdom."_

"_The what?" Squall said, immediately scowling._

"_It's a giant marketplace on the edge of the business district that specializes in games," Kiros explained. "Any type of game you can think of, be it cards games, video games, role-playing, or even board games, they have it along with any accompanying supplies. They hold daily tournaments and there are people in costumes wandering around all the time. It's the perfect place to take kids…or in Laguna's case, kids who are trapped in adult bodies."_

"_That sounds like the voice of experience," Squall said, his scowl deepening. _

"_It is," Kiros said, sighing. "Laguna talked me into stopping by there last year on his birthday. He loved it, of course. As for me…well, it was interesting and mostly amusing. But I can safely say that, by the end of our visit, I was ready to use my katal if one more person in a Blitz costume tried to sneak up on me." _

"_So that's why Rinoa was so eager to go to that spa with Mara and Temira," Squall said, crossing his arms over his chest. Kiros laughed and shook his head._

"_I sympathize, I really do," he said with a grin. "But I think it'll be good for the two of you to go. I know it might seem perverse, but it is significant that he asked you to go with him. He only invites people who he's completely comfortable with to go with him because it's one of the few places where he'll let himself be totally uninhibited."_

"_I thought that's how he was all the time," Squall smirked. _

"_To some extent, yes," Kiros said with a smirk of his own. "But you'll see what I mean when you get there. Honestly, Squall, I'm just pleased that he's stopped being so nervous about the time he spends with you."_

_Squall's face fell and he looked down at the floor. Realizing how his words might be interpreted, Kiros walked over and cleared his throat so Squall would look up him._

"_Please do not take that the wrong way," Kiros said. "You have to understand that he loves you dearly and that having you in his life means more to him that almost everything else in the world. It's not as if he thought you were a difficult person or was frightened of you in some way. He was just concerned that you wouldn't want to be around him once you got to know him better. After losing Raine...it scares him to think about losing anyone else who is so close to his heart."_

"_I understand," Squall said somberly. Watching the way Squall's eyes flickered with emotion, Kiros was quite certain that he truly did._

"_One word of advice," Kiros smirked. "Try to avoid the Friends with Moogles display. That is, unless you enjoy highly choreographed song and dance routines involving people in fuzzy pink costumes."_

"_Thanks for the warning," Squall said with a shudder._

* * *

Kiros walked into Laguna's office and scanned the room, disappointed when he found it empty.

'_I know he and Squall returned an hour ago, and that Squall went to do something with Rinoa,' _he told himself. '_So where is he?'_

Kiros frowned and continued to stare at his surroundings. Suddenly a glimmer of light caught his eye and Kiros walked toward it to investigate. He discovered that the source was an empty glass vial that had been thrown in the trash. Curious, Kiros fished it out and studied it. His eyes widened as he read the label and realized what the contents had been.

'_This…this is….'_

'_Why is this in Laguna's trashcan? Hyne, has he been…?'_

Kiros shoved the vial into a pocket in his robes and marched out the hallway so he could resume his search.

* * *

_After his talk with Squall, Kiros felt a little more at ease over Laguna's recent behavior. Once Squall and Laguna had left the Palace, he decided to use the time he had to himself to get some additional work done so he could make plans with Mara in the evening. _

_He had just finished up the last of his paperwork when Brishen, Laguna's personal assistant, walked into the room with a file in his hands. He looked nervous._

"_Brishen, if that's stuff Laguna wants me to help him on, just leave it on my desk and I will get to it later," Kiros said. "I'm leaving for a much needed session at the gym."_

"_Um, sir, this isn't really work," Brishen said. "It's…well, I'm afraid I have a problem."_

_Kiros suppressed the urge to roll his eyes and he leaned back in his chair while stretching his legs out under his desk._

"_All right, what is it?"_

"_It's like this sir," Brishen said. "President Loire asked me to draw up some documents for him earlier this morning,"_

"_And?" Kiros said with a wave of his hand._

"_And well…." Brishen said, fidgeting. "They were legal documents."_

"_And you remembered that all legal documents involving President Loire have to be sent to either me or Minister Zabac before they are certified," Kiros said. Brishen nodded. "And I'll assume that that's them in your hands."_

"_Yes sir," Brishen said. "President Loire acted like it was really important that these get taken care of as soon as possible. Should I tell him that you weren't available or…?"_

"_Don't worry about it, Brishen," Kiros said with a smile. "What you have doesn't look too elaborate. I'll look them over and then I'll send them off to the lawyers so they can finalize them."_

"_Thank you, Minister Seagill," Brishen said as he placed the file on Kiros' desk. "And I promise that there isn't anything else that will need your attention any time soon."_

"_That's good," Kiros said. "Oh and Brishen go ahead and take the rest of the day off."_

"_Are you sure about that, sir?" Brishen asked. "What if President Loire needs…?"_

"_If anything comes up, I'll handle it," Kiros said. "Go on. You deserve a day off once in a while too."_

"_Thank you, Minister Seagill," Brishen said, a grin lighting up his face. "I'll be sure to enjoy it."_

_Brishen quickly left the room, and Kiros chuckled as he watched him nearly race out the door. Then he grabbed the file Brishen had left behind and leaned back in his chair again as he scanned the contents. At first it appeared to be a routine enough document, and Kiros wondered why Laguna had felt that it was so urgent. Halfway through the document, however, Kiros realized what he was reading was a will. At first, he was puzzled that Laguna would suddenly feel the need to revise his will. Normally, Laguna didn't bother with things like that until someone reminded him of it. _

_It was then that Kiros was struck with an epiphany, causing him to abruptly drop the file onto his desk. He thought again about all those secret trips that Laguna had been taking and about how he had been avoiding almost everyone around him for some time. He hadn't wanted to believe in Squall's suspicions, but now it looked as if the young SeeD had been onto something._

_Kiros' hands trembled as he stood up and gripped the edge of his desk while taking several deep breaths. He was aware that he was jumping to conclusions and tried to remind himself that there could be several mundane explanations that could potentially explain all of this. However, when nothing came to mind, Kiros found his uneasiness growing._

_Eventually, he closed his eyes and willed himself remain calm. Even though he was terribly worried, he knew that it would be a mistake to confront Laguna in a panicked state. He knew that Laguna would be back in a couple of hours and so he decided to focus on preparing himself to talk things over with Laguna when he returned instead of dwelling on vague suspicions and apprehensions. _

_Still, that did not stop him from wishing that time would move just a little faster for a change._

* * *

Kiros walked up to the doorway to Laguna's living quarters and paused. It had been a couple hours since Brishen dropped the will off at his office, and even though he wanted to remain composed, he was having an increasingly hard time doing so.

He stared at the doorbell for another minute before finally taking a breath and pushing it. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Laguna appeared on the other side, a giant grin on his face.

"Hey, Kiros, come in," he said. "I got something for you."

Kiros nodded and walked in while Laguna practically bounced toward the couch which had a large shopping bag sitting in front of it. Laguna crouched down beside it and began to rifle though its contents.

"Laguna…."

"Ta-da!" Laguna said as he pulled out a small box that had a ribbon tied around it. He held it out to Kiros, who took it with both hands.

"Go on, open it," Laguna said.

Kiros shrugged and untied the ribbon before removing the lid. He peered inside to see a small stack of Triple Triad cards.

"It's a complete set of the new Level Seven cards," Laguna said. "Cool, huh? I heard that they got some new artists to draw the portraits and once I saw them, I had to get some."

"These are pretty impressive," Kiros said as he thumbed through them. "Thank you, Laguna."

"You're welcome," Laguna said with another smile. "Maybe now you'll be able to give me a decent match. You know, it has been a while since we played."

"It has," Kiros conceded. "Laguna, I…."

"I wish you had gone with me and Squall today," Laguna interrupted. "We had a blast at Game Kingdom. They were debuting a new character for Chocoboville. Man, they put on one of their best shows ever. Heck, Squall was so impressed, he was speechless."

Kiros briefly contemplated mentioning to Laguna that Squall was probably speechless for an entirely different reason than what he was thinking, but quickly decided against it.

Laguna pulled out a few more boxes out of the bag and placed them on the coffee table. He then crumpled up the empty bag and tossed it onto the couch before sitting down and arranging them into a sloppy pile.

"Oh hey, are you and Ward still on for poker tonight?" he said. "Because if you were, I was thinking about inviting Squall to join us. He says he knows how to play. I wonder if he'll be any good."

"Laguna," Kiros said. "I need to discuss some things with you."

"Ok, sure," Laguna said as he stood back up. "What's up?" Kiros sighed and sat his present down onto the stand by the door before crossing his arms over his chest.

"Brishen stopped by my office today," he said. "Apparently, you asked him to help you revise your will." Laguna blinked hard, but the smile remained firmly in place on his lips.

"Oh that," he said. "Yeah, I know it's sudden, but I was thinking about Elle getting married here soon, and I figured that now would be a good time to take care of stuff like that."

"Brishen said that you were treating it like a high priority."

"Brishen exaggerates, you know that," Laguna replied. "He's a great guy and all, but prone to getting carted away."

"That's carried away," Kiros said. "And are you sure that this doesn't have anything to do with these late-night trips you've been taking here recently?"

"Ok, you got me there," Laguna said, scratching the side of his head. "I guess I've been kind of stressed out lately and needed some time to myself. It's no big deal."

Kiros frowned and sighed inwardly. He didn't want to be the one to bring up certain topics, but the way Laguna persisted on being evasive made him feel like he had little choice.

"Laguna...what is going on between you and Alleen Ellas?"

Laguna's mouth dropped open and he stumbled backward a couple steps.

"What the…how do you know about that?" Laguna said. "Wait a minute…did you…? Are you spying on me?"

"I was curious about where you were going during lunch," Kiros replied. "So I followed you one time and happened to see you with her."

"And what? You went ahead and ran a background check on her?" Laguna asked, incredulous. "I can't believe you invaded my privacy like that. I thought we were friends, Kiros."

"We are," Kiros insisted. "Hyne, Laguna, I pledged my blade and my life to you. But you need to understand that this isn't about friendship. You're the president of Esthar and that position comes with a long list of responsibilities and risks. As your Head Attendant, it's my job to make sure that nothing happens that could compromise you or your position within the government."

"My personal life has nothing to do with me being president," Laguna spat back. "You had no right to do that."

"As your _cusodi_ and your head attendant, I have every right to do what is necessary to protect you," Kiros responded, his eyes narrowing. "Especially when you choose to keep vital information from all of us."

"When exactly did my social habits become vital information?" Laguna asked, his hands clenching into fists. Kiros pulled the vial out of his pocket and held it up in front of Laguna's face.

"When I started finding things like this in your office," Kiros said. "I don't know much about medicine, but I do know that this is a strong narcotic and that you would have needed a doctor to sign off on this. So what I want to know is, why are you taking stuff like this? What aren't you telling me?"

"So now you're digging through my trash too?" Laguna said, anger filling his tone. "Why don't you just stick a camera on me so you can watch me all the time? Or have you already done that too?"

Kiros ground his jaw and but said nothing. The situation was spiraling out of control fast, and he was desperate to stop it from getting worse. He carefully put his hands on Laguna's forearms and did his best erase the tension out of his features.

"Laguna," he said, his voice placid and even. "Please believe me when I say that I did what I did because I care about you and because I'm worried about you. And it's not just me. Ward is concerned too, and just this morning, Squall came to my office and he told me that…."

"Squall?" Laguna said, yanking himself away. "You pulled him into this too?"

"It wasn't like that," Kiros said. "Squall came to me and…."

"And instead of telling him to talk to me about any concerns he might have, you pump him for information?" Laguna said. "How dare you. How dare you use my son that way. What makes you think you have the right to do things like that? Do you think that I can't handle my own son? Or maybe you think that I can't be a good father to him without people around me all the time to tell me what I should or shouldn't do."

"Laguna…."

"No! Enough!" Laguna shouted at him. "I don't want to hear it. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a child, and I don't need you to constantly hold my hand. I can take care of myself. And I certainly can make my own decisions about how I choose to live my life."

Laguna stomped over to the door and pushed the keypad to open it.

"Get out, Kiros," he growled. "This conversation is finished." Kiros frowned, his eyes lit up with resolve.

"Laguna, I get that you're upset," Kiros said. "But I'm not leaving until I get some answers."

"Fine, then I'll leave," Laguna said, throwing his hands up in the air. "And don't you dare try to follow me."

Laguna marched out of his living quarters and rushed down the hallway. Kiros followed him as far as the doorway before stopping and hanging his head. He realized that he had made far too many mistakes during that exchange and throughout this whole affair. He hoped that Laguna would eventually forgive him and let him know what was going on.

For now though, the only thing Kiros could focus on was the fear that he had just made the situation far worse and that Laguna was in even more danger than he previously thought.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Next chapter. Sorry that it took so long for me to update this. I was so close to finishing up my _Long Shadows_ fic that I decided to concentrate on it, and then well...college got in the way. :) But I hope to finish this one up over the next two or three weeks. We shall see...

Also, I plan on starting up one or two new stories next week. Hopefully, my readers will enjoy them. :)

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :D

**KeyOfNostalgia: **Thanks for the review. :) Sorry for the lack of updates here recently, but I hope to improve that here this next week. Anyway, yes, you are right about more drama coming and as you will see by the end of this chapter, things will only get more intense from here. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Six

Later that evening, Squall searched for his father and was confused when he couldn't find him.

After they had gotten back from their trip into Esthar, Squall mentioned that he had planned on spending some time with Rinoa when she got back, and Laguna told him that they would meet up later at dinner. Once Rinoa returned with Mara and Temira, they spent some time touring the botanical gardens a couple miles from the Palace.

By the time they had gotten back to the Palace, Squall assumed that Laguna would be looking for him to start dinner, but there was no sign of him. He tried stopping by his father's quarters, but there was no answer. Then Squall headed for Laguna's office and when he didn't find him there, he decided to see if Kiros or Ward knew where his father was.

He went to Kiros' office and was immediately concerned when he saw Kiros sitting as his desk with his head in his hands while Ward stood next to him with his hand on his shoulder. They both looked up at Squall as he entered the room.

"What's going on?" Squall asked as he moved closer to them."Wait…is this about Laguna?" Kiros shook his head and ran a hand over his face.

"Squall, I'm sorry," he said. "When you came to me earlier today, I should have advised you to talk to your father about your concerns. I…."

Ward squeezed Kiros' shoulder and Kiros let out a long sigh before continuing.

"Laguna and I had an argument a few hours ago," he said. "That's probably why you can't find him now. Honestly, I don't think he's even in the Palace or Esthar for that matter."

"You mean he just left?" Squall asked incredulous. "Just like that? I thought you made sure to have him guarded at all times."

"Squall, there's something you need to understand," Kiros said. "Your father is a very important man, but he is still his own person. Ward and I agreed with him a long time ago that he should still be able to have some degree of privacy. As a result, we don't always keep track of his every move so he can have some time alone. The fact is, Laguna is quite capable of taking care of himself if need be."

Kiros shook his head again and leaned back in his chair.

"Unfortunately, I lost sight of that recently," he said. "Like you, I was worried about him and I let my worries cloud my judgment. Again, I am truly sorry for disrupting your time with your father."

"No, it's all right," Squall said. "Truthfully, I'm glad that he has people like you and Ward around to keep an eye on him. It's just…."

"Just what, Squall?"

"It just seems odd that he would get so mad at you that he would leave the Palace like that," Squall replied. "Especially given how he made such a big deal about me coming out here to visit him."

"…."

"It's like Ward said," Kiros responded. "It is rare that Laguna gets this angry, but when he is, he isn't always the most rational of people. Keep in mind that we have been around him for years, and so we have had a chance to see this before."

"I suppose that makes sense," Squall said, frowning. "Still, something about all this doesn't seem right."

"Well having known him all this time, I can also tell you that Laguna doesn't stay this angry for very long," Kiros said. "And like you said, you're here, and he really wants to spend time with you. I'm sure he'll be back soon. And when he does return, I will make sure to stay out of the way so it won't be such a tense situation."

Squall nodded and was about to leave when a young woman entered the room with a sealed file in her hands.

"Excuse me, Minister Seagill, Minister Zabac?" she said.

"Yes, Calandra," Kiros said to her. "What is it?"

"These forms came from President Loire's physician today," she said as she walked over to his desk. "It's his official report on the president's annual physical along with the results of some additional tests that were run."

"Tests?" Kiros said, raising an eyebrow. "Did he say what they were for?"

"No sir," Calandra said. "I assumed that it was confidential."

"Of course," Kiros said, smiling. "Thank you Calandra. I'll take care of these."

Calandra bowed slightly and exited the room while Kiros studied the file in his hands.

"Kiros, why did she give that to you instead of Laguna?" Squall asked, curious. "I would think that medical records would be considered private even to you."

"In a sense, yes," Kiros said. "But I'm also Laguna's advocate in the event that anything happens to him that makes him unable to make decisions on his own behalf. As a result, I often get a copy of all his records and go over them with him so that I can make informed decisions if I have to. Normally, he glances at it first and then has me read over it so that I know what's in there. It's not as big of a deal as it might sound. Every year, it's the same thing: Laguna's in excellent health and he should stick with his established routines."

"…."

"Yeah, and he should lay off the pizza a little more often," Kiros replied with a smirk. "I should probably wait until tomorrow to give this to him. Still…."

"Yes?" Squall said. Kiros sat the file down and looked away.

"No, Laguna is already angry with me, and rightly so," he said. "I can't break his trust again."

"…."

"No Ward, you didn't see him earlier," Kiros said. "Whatever it is that he's dealing with, he's not ready to share it with us. I can't keep crossing this line with him."

"But there is something else that's bothering you, isn't there?" Squall asked, his apprehension returning. "Something you're not telling us."

"…."

"No," Kiros said, putting his head back in his hands. "No, I can't. I…."

"Kiros listen," Squall said. "It's true that I don't know Laguna as well as the two of you do. But, I think I understand him enough to know that the reason why he gets you involved in so much of his life is because he trusts you and your judgment. Maybe he doesn't always like it, but deep down, I think he's counting on the idea that you'll step in when necessary to protect him."

Kiros let out a long sigh and lifted his head while picking the folder back up. He stared at it for a long moment before finally breaking the seal and opening it up. He scanned through it for a full minute when suddenly his eyes widened and his hands began to tremble.

"No," Kiros whispered. "Dear Hyne, no…."

"…!?"

"What is it?" Squall asked, his anxiety beginning to spike. "Kiros, please…."

"These tests," Kiros said, letting the file fall from his hands. "The doctor seemed to think that Laguna might have Tze-Barre syndrome and was testing him for it…and the results came back positive."

Ward's mouth fell open and he fell to his knees beside Kiros. Squall became light-headed and his legs no longer seemed to be able to keep him upright. He stumbled backward into a nearby chair. He had had basic medical training at Garden, and he remembered hearing about Tze-Barre from one of the instructors there who had a cousin who died from it. Squall did not remember much about the pathology of the disease, but what he did remember was that it was almost always fatal.

"So," Kiros continued, his voice eerily flat. "That's why he was taking that stuff."

"What stuff?"

"I found an empty vial in the trashcan in Laguna's office," Kiros said. "It was for a narcotic painkiller. If I remember correctly, one of the early symptoms of Tze-Barre is severe muscle spasms and migraines. He must be taking that to help him cope with the pain. Dammit… why didn't I see any of this before now?"

Ward, who had become at least two shades paler than normal, turned toward Kiros and regarded him with moist eyes.

"…."

"That's no excuse," Kiros said, shaking his head. "I'm supposed to be his friend, his _cusodi_, and I didn't even notice how much pain he was in…or how much of a toll it was taking on him."

"It wasn't just you, Kiros," Squall said, struggling to get the words out. "He hid this from all of us. I knew he was lying about something, and yet I didn't even try to question him about it. I guess what I don't understand though is why. Why did try so hard to keep this from us?"

"Because unfortunately, that is Laguna's way sometimes," Kiros said, wiping at his eyes. "Especially when he's grappling with profound grief or distress. He acted in a similar manner after he found out about Raine's passing. He kept to himself a lot and whenever he did interact with anyone else, he did his best to be his normal, upbeat self. At least on the surface anyway. It took a lot of effort to get him to admit how he actually felt and for him to be willing to express those feelings around anyone else. In some ways, I think that's simply how he's learned to get through his hardships. But this time…."

Suddenly, Kiros shot up from his chair, causing both Ward and Squall to jump up to their feet as well.

"We have to find Laguna," he said. "If he actually has Tze-Barre, then he's going to continue to have these spells periodically. And if one of these spells happens while he's unguarded...he could be in grave danger."

"But how are we going to find him?" Squall asked. "You just said that you don't know for sure where he is, and that no one is monitoring him right now."

"I know that he's been taking a series of trips late at night for a while now," Kiros replied. "And I suspect that they are all to the same location."

Kiros swiftly walked out of his office with Ward and Squall close behind him.

"I have a couple hunches as to where he has been going," Kiros added. "And if I'm right, he would have needed a pilot to fly a ship to his destination. If that is the case, then there are plenty of people I can talk to in order to get the information I need."

* * *

Laguna slowly walked up to his wife's grave and briefly noted how the moonlight made the recently fallen raindrops on the headstone look like diamonds before kneeling down onto his usual spot.

'_Raine would have loved a night light this,' _he mused. '_She always said that a good rainfall is just the thing to make the world feel new again.'_

Laguna smiled and greeted his wife by placing his hand over the letters carved in stone. After a moment of this, he let his hand fall and his smile disappear.

'_Hyne Raine, how in the world were you able to put up with me? I remember seeing you for the first time in Winhill and thinking that you just had to be married or something because there was simply no way so many people could pass you by. And yet, of all those people out there, you chose me.'_

'_And I…I….'_

Laguna bowed his head. For a moment, he thought he might start weeping again, but found that he felt far too empty for even that anymore.

Instead he let his thoughts drift back to a couple weeks ago.

* * *

_Laguna was sitting in a private dining room on the balcony of one of the most exclusive restaurants in Esthar. By this point, they had gone on several dates, and most of the time, Laguna was sure that things were going well. _

_After finishing their appetizers, Laguna watched Alleen stand near the edge of the balcony and stare out at the city._

"_Wow, this view is amazing," she gushed. "I've always wanted to see this and I thought for sure that I'd never get the chance."_

"_Yeah, it is really pretty," Laguna smiled at her. "But you're even prettier." Alleen turned around to look at him, a dazzling smile on her face._

"_Why Laguna Loire, are you flirting with me?" she said with a giggle. Laguna scratched the side of his head._

"_Ah yeah, I guess I am," he said. "Sorry, that was kind of lame, wasn't it? I guess you could say that I'm really out of practice."_

"_Oh, don't worry about that," Alleen said. "I thought it was cute. And thank you again for bringing me here. When you asked me to name anywhere I wanted to go in Esthar, I only mentioned this place as a joke. I heard that you have to book this place a year in advance…and that's if you're lucky enough to even get on the waiting list."_

"_It's really not that bad," Laguna said. "Honestly, I think the head chef here started that rumor just so he could avoid cooking for a bunch of snobby, haunting cuisine types."_

"_Haunting?" Alleen said, frowning. "Do you mean 'haute cuisine'?"_

"_Ooops, probably," Laguna said sheepishly. _

"_Laguna, you do need to stop doing that," Alleen said as she rejoined him at the table. "How do you expect world leaders to take you seriously if you can't even keep your words straight? And besides that, it's embarrassing."_

"_I'm sorry," Laguna said. "I don't mean to do it. It's just…. It's like I know what I want to say, but sometimes the words get all tangled up and they don't come out right."_

"_Then you should try being less impulsive and more mindful," Alleen said. "You're the president of Esthar. You need to put forth a certain image. Do you understand?"_

"_Oh sure," Laguna grinned. "Kiros and Ward are always telling about that stuff too. But in all my years doing this, you know what I've noticed? I've noticed that the less I act like what everyone expects a president to act like, the more people seem to trust me. And once you have that, everything else seems to fall in place. Seriously, I think I'm much better off not playing the whole 'powerful world leader' card until I absolutely have to."_

"_Well, I suppose it has worked so far," Alleen conceded. "But I don't know if you should count on that forever."_

_An awkward silence fell over the table as Alleen sipped at her wine. After about a minute of this, Laguna leaned toward her with another smile on her face._

"_Hey, how about we do something totally different the next time we meet," he said. "We've been going to all these fancy restaurants and clubs, and while that's good and all, it does get kinda boring after a while."_

"_What did you have in mind?" Alleen said, a seductive smile appearing on her face._

"_A trip to the Gold Saucer," Laguna replied._

"_The Gold Saucer?"Alleen said. "Are you serious? That's an amusement park."_

"_It is," Laguna nodded. "And it's easily the most awesome one in the world. Come on, it'll be fun. The guys who own it always put aside a few hours every couple of months where they keep the park mostly cleared out so I can visit without worrying about being mobbed. And that time is coming up here soon. Whaddya say?"_

"_Laguna, don't you think we're a little old for that kind of thing?"_

"_You can never be too old for fun," Laguna grinned at her. _

"_Maybe," Alleen said. "But I think I know about something that is a lot more fun than that."_

"_Really?" Laguna said. "Even more fun than the Corkscrew of Doom?" Alleen wrinkled her nose but managed to regain her smile a couple seconds later._

"_Really," she said. "Would you like to know what it is?"_

_Laguna nodded, and Alleen scooted her chair closer to his. Then she leaned over and ran her fingers along his jaw line, causing him to shiver, before closing her eyes and kissing him. _

_At first, Laguna's eyes widened in surprise, but soon his eyelids drooped and he began to return the kiss. She ran her fingers through his hair, and he responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. There was a string of kisses that ended up lasting a full minute before Laguna finally pulled away, panting._

"_Alleen," he gasped. "That…that was…."_

"_Much better than some amusement park ride," she smiled as she stroked his cheek. "Don't you think?"_

_Laguna opened his mouth to respond, but Alleen silenced him by kissing him again. He closed his eyes and was soon enveloped in a delicious feeling of warmth. It had been a long time since he had had this kind of intimate contact and Laguna found himself intoxicated by it._

_That warm, giddy sensation abruptly ended, however, when Laguna felt his wedding ring catch on the fabric of Allen's dress. An image of Raine flashed though his thoughts, and Laguna pulled away from Alleen's embrace._

"_Wait," he said breathlessly. "We can't…I mean, I can't…it's too soon, too fast…."_

"_It's all right, I get it," Alleen smiled at him. "You don't want to do this here in such a public place. I understand. So, how about you come to my place next week? We could order out for dinner and then we can talk some more about it."_

"_O-oh ok," Laguna stammered. "Let's do that. Oh hey, look, here comes our food."_

_Alleen laughed and Laguna smiled back at her as the waiters came to serve them. Despite the uncomfortable moment a few seconds ago, Laguna was confident that things would get better from here._

* * *

Laguna lifted his head and let out a long sigh. What he had thought was going to be a quiet evening spent getting to know each other better and talking turned out to be something far different in Alleen's mind…something Laguna was simply not ready for. The evening came to an abrupt end that night after he tried to explain why he needed more time to sort out his feelings.

"_You're pathetic Loire."_

"_Why don't you just go back to her?"_

He did not respond to Alleen's retort at the time, but in the back of his mind, Laguna wondered if she could ever understand just how much he wished he could go back to Raine. In a vast collection of people, she seemed to be one of the few who could truly understand him and who could always make him feel loved and valued.

Laguna shook his head and sighed again. Even as he thought that, he reminded himself that that wasn't strictly true. There had been other people in his life who cared for him: Ellone, who had adored him ever since she was a child, Ward, who had been a loyal and steadfast friend to him from the very first day he joined the army, Kiros, who was not only his best friend but who was also willing to devote his entire life to him, and now Squall, his son who was still learning to be part of a family, but who was clearly making every effort he could to build a new relationship with him.

'_All these people…and yet time and time again, I keep disappointing them, failing them. They put so much into caring for me and supporting me, even when I do stuff without thinking. And all of them have had to pay for all the mistakes I made while I've managed to make it out pretty much unscathed…usually because of something they did.'_

'_Even Raine.'_

'_Maybe it's time I stop being a burden to them.'_

It was that thought that made Laguna pull out his old rifle out of its sling. Years spent in the army and then traveling through monster-invested lands had made traveling while armed into a habit. Granted, these days he often didn't carry one when he traveled due to being surrounded by security guards and by Kiros and Ward, who acted as bodyguards. But Laguna never was comfortable with idea of letting his skills atrophy so much that he couldn't defend himself, thus he still kept a few of his weapons around in case he needed them and made sure that he could still use them.

His hands trembled as he contemplated what he was about to do. Ever since he was a child, he had always found a way to survive and bounce back, no matter what life had thrown at him. In Laguna's mind, things would always get better in some way. It was just a matter of persevering until they did. Besides that, his time spent traveling both in the army and afterwards had convinced him that life was a gift that should be enjoyed and treasured in all its forms.

But then he thought again about what the doctor and his mother had told him about what he could expect in his future. It was then that he questioned just how much he would want to cling to life while having to endure so much agony and while slowly losing his grip on reality and his own mind.

Laguna ran his fingers along the safety. It wasn't something he liked to dwell on, but in the back of his mind, he was aware that he knew the best ways to do this, ways that would make it quick, sure, and painless.

'_One shot and this could be over. I could put an end to all this and all those people wouldn't have to bother with me anymore.'_

Laguna's hands continued to shake as he began to release the safety. He was pretty sure that he wasn't afraid of dying. There had been too many times in his life when he came close to death, and as a result, he had been forced to make his peace with those feelings long ago. Still, something inside him was making his heart race and his breathing quicken in fear.

'_Don't be afraid. It won't hurt.'_

'_One shot and then this will…it will….'_

'_No!'_

'_This is not who I am.'_

Laguna gritted his teeth and clenched his hands together tightly in anger after he pulled the safety back in place. Whether it was his battle-hardened instincts to fight to survive or his stubborn optimism, Laguna found that he just could not go through with his plan, and he cursed himself for even thinking that this was a viable option. His shoulders sagging in resignation, he carefully put his rifle back into its holster. He didn't know what he was going to do from this point, but he was determined to remain true to himself and not throw away his life, seeing as an insult to all the people who had sacrificed so much to protect him.

'_Raine, I'm so confused. I wish you could help me figure out what I should do.'_

Laguna leaned forward and laid down onto the headstone as he had for many nights now. He didn't know for sure how Raine could help him or what she would do if she could.

But somewhere in his heart, Laguna was certain that she would find a way.

* * *

Several yards away, Loman watched the scene in front of him, rage and disgust distorting his features.

He had only been a teenager when some of the other villagers brought a gravely injured Galbadian soldier to the pub in Winhill. But even after all these years, Loman knew that he would never forget that soldier's face: the face of the man who had destroyed Raine Leonhart.

Loman clenched his jaw and glared at the figure at the grave. His parents had died two years beforehand, and Raine had been one of the few bright spots of his existence around that time. Everyone in the village often talked about how generous and kind Raine was, and Loman experienced this first-hand when Raine made sure to reach out to him as he struggled to learn to live on his own.

However, everything seemed to change after that soldier arrived. Raine focused much of her time on helping him recover. After that, instead of leaving like everyone had hoped and expected, the soldier ended up staying and mooching off Raine. Sure, he had used the excuse that he was keeping the monsters from overrunning the town, but in Loman's mind that was nothing but an attempt to show off to Raine.

Worse yet, when he finally did leave, it was Raine who suffered, first through a lonely pregnancy and then by dying to deliver the baby that that selfish, irresponsible man had left behind.

For years afterward, Loman held a bitter grudge against that solder, and seeing him come here night after night to visit Raine's grave made his blood boil.

'_I can't believe that man has the nerve to keep coming here after all the pain he caused. Doesn't he have any shame?'_

Loman looked down at his fists and suddenly came to a decision. He wasn't going to stand idly by while this man continued to defile the resting place of such a beautiful, caring woman, a woman he never deserved to have.

Loman turned around and headed back to the village. He knew some other people who felt the same way he did, and he figured that he might as well let them have a chance to get their revenge too.

'_Laguna Loire…it's about time you paid for what you did to Raine.'_

'_And tonight, you'll get what's coming to you.'_


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Next chapter. At this rate, I am thinking that this will be about twelve chapters, so we're a little over halfway done with this update. I hope to have another chapter up by the end of this week. *fingers crossed*

Also, I will be starting a couple new fics on Wednesday and then Thursday. I hope my readers enjoy them. :)

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated.

**KeyOfNostalgia: **Thanks for the review. Yeah, I figured that I might worry a few people there, but honestly, I couldn't imagine Laguna going through with it even if I could see him considering it once in a while given all the loss and hardship he faced in his life...Oh and you are right in saying that there are some confrontations coming, and they are going to start in this chapter. ;)...As for Loman, yes, I always strive to make my villains very unlikeable, so I'm glad to see that it's mission accomplished there. :D Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update.

Chapter Seven

A little over an hour later, Laguna let out a long sigh and rubbed his face. Having had time to calm down and think things through, he realized that that Squall was probably wondering where he was and that Kiros and Ward were probably worried about him. He regretted storming out of the Palace the way he did, but was willing to admit to himself that he needed a chance to get away from all the problems and tensions he had to deal with there for a little while.

'_I should get back,' _he told himself. '_Squall's not going be able to spend too much more time here, and I need to make the most of what time we've got left.'_

Laguna smiled as he looked back down at the headstone. The one thing he did not regret about all this was the fact that he had spent some more time with Raine. During the first few years after her death, Laguna avoided visiting her grave. He had been afraid that if he did, his grief would overwhelm him again. Over time, however, guilt proved to be a solid motivator to help him build up the courage he needed to come out here. Eventually, he realized that not visiting was hurting him far more than any residual sadness he felt from reliving those memories and came to see it as a needed cathartic experience.

It wasn't until about three years ago that Laguna discovered a sense of comfort from this time spend in silent communion with Raine, comfort that increased in slow, but steady increments over time as he made his visits part of a routine. Recently, he began to curse his past cowardice and decided that he would never neglect these precious moments of remembrance again.

"It may be a little while, but I promise to come back soon," Laguna whispered. "I love you."

Laguna closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in the crisp air and clean scent of the recent rain before stretching and shifting his position to stand back up.

The sound of a twig snapped caught his attention, and Laguna whirled around to see several men approaching him. For a moment, he thought about greeting them, but the angry expressions on their faces and the weapons in their hands told him that they did not have friendly intentions.

Laguna frowned and slowly reached behind him to loosen the holster of his rifle. As he did, he took a couple of steps back.

"You shouldn't have come back, Loire," one of the men said. "You were never welcome here. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"All right, listen," Laguna said, making sure to keep his voice calm. "I'm pretty sure I know what this is about, but I'm asking you to please let it go. I'm not here to cause any trouble. I just wanted to visit my wife in peace."

"Your wife?!" another man said. "How dare you call her that? You were never a husband to her. Raine Leonhart was one of the best things to ever happen to this village. And you used her. You took everything you could from her and then when that wasn't enough, you left and tossed her aside so you could move on to the next thing."

The other men nodded in agreement while one of them pushed his way to the front of the rabble.

"You probably don't remember me, but I certainly remember you," he said. "I remember thinking that you were trouble the minute they carried your sorry carcass into town. I tried to tell Raine to send you away as soon as you were able to walk, but she kept insisting that you be allowed to stay for as long as you needed to. I watched her put all her energy into taking care of you. Even worse, I watched her fall in love with you. And I'll admit, by that point, even I was fooled into thinking that maybe Raine was right and the others were wrong. That maybe you weren't so bad after all. I mean, you couldn't be so terrible if Raine was able to love you, right?"

The man took a couple of menacing steps forward, and Laguna hitched one hand behind his back and got a firm grip on the butt of his rifle.

"But then I got to see how devastated she was when you left," the man continued. "Do you know how much she cried? She tried to hide it from everyone in the village, but I saw her crying in the back rooms of the pub more than once when I stopped by there to try to help her with the chores. At first, I thought it was just because she missed you…but then her belly started to grow and I finally understood why she was crying…and why you left her behind and never came back."

The man in front of him tightened his grip on the gun in his hands and gritted his teeth as he stared balefully at Laguna.

"You never deserved her," he spat. "And you certainly did not deserve to be a part of her baby's life. I know a lot of the people in the village thought that you didn't know and agreed to keep that child a secret from you, but you know what? I think you knew all along that she was pregnant and that's why you stayed away. I just hope that kid was able to have a decent life."

"Enough talk, Loman," one of the men behind him said. "It's time to get to what we came here for."

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the group, and Loman smiled as he pointed his gun at Laguna.

"Time for you to pay for what you did to Raine, Loire," he said. "And I promise you this, we're not going to let you off easy by making it quick. We're going to take our time so you can get a real taste of what poor Raine had to go through when you discarded her like a piece of trash."

Laguna frowned and trembled as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. His mind raced with all the things he wanted to say in response to Loman's words, but he quickly concluded that it was useless to argue with him. There was simply too much deep-seated blame and hatred that could never be vanquished by reason. Even though he suspected that many of the residents of Winhill had either let go of the past or weren't even aware of it, he figured that there would always be a few that would doggedly hold onto this grudge for as long as he was alive.

Laguna was also aware that these people clearly had intentions to make his time left in this life even shorter than it already was and he was surprised to find that he was gripped with indecision. He truly did not want to hurt anyone, and his increasingly heavy burden of guilt made him wonder if maybe this was a sort of destined retribution for all the mistakes he had made in the past. The hand behind his back started to slide back down to his side and he prepared himself to surrender to whatever they had in store for him.

"_No!"_

Laguna started and scanned the advancing crowd to see if any of them had heard the voice he had just heard. They showed no reaction, however, and Laguna wondered if it was a figment of his imagination.

"_Laguna!"_

That time Laguna was certain that he had heard something and was shocked when he realized that it was Raine's voice.

'_No, no that can't be. No matter how much I want her to be here, I know she isn't,' _he thought. '_And yet….'_

"_Laguna…don't do this…Think of Squall…of Ellone…You have to fight."_

Those words were like an electric shock coursing through Laguna's body and mind. He immediately thought of how Ellone's life was finally her own thanks to the protections he was able to give her. Then he thought about how he had been given a second chance with his son and had finally built a relationship with him. Finally, he thought about how strong both of his children had been in the face of all the hardships life had placed on them since childhood and how they now stood ready and willing to confront whatever the future had for them.

It was then that Laguna decided that he needed to be strong too: for them, for Raine, and for himself.

"What's the matter, Loire?" Loman sneered at him. "Too scared to defend yourself? Just you wait. We'll make sure to give you something to be scared of."

Laguna slid a foot backward and crouched down while reaching for his rifle again. He still did not want to hurt anyone and was aware that he was severely outnumbered. Still, if there was one thing he never lacked, it was the determination to see things through once he made his mind up about something.

Loman moved his fingers toward the trigger, but before he could react, Laguna whipped his rifle out in front of him and fired a pair of warning shots into the ground inches from the men's feet while jumping out of the line of fire. The men without guns immediately scrambled backward while Loman and two of the others tried to realign their sights onto Laguna.

However, despite his age, Laguna was still the faster and more accurate shot. He fired off a series of rounds that made his opponents scatter and was able to disarm one of the men by putting a couple of bullets through the mechanisms of his gun, rendering it useless. Loman and the other man tried to fire back, but their shots were wild and erratic and clearly the work of amateurs.

Soon, Laguna had the upper hand and carefully walked over to them while keeping his weapon trained on both Loman and the other man, who was still clinging desperately to his gun.

"Despite what you guys think of me, I really don't want to fight you," Laguna said. "I'm willing to let you go if you walk away now. Just leave me alone and I promise that I'll leave you alone too."

Loman glared at him, but did not move. It was evident by the expression on his face that he did not want to agree to Laguna's terms, but at that moment, he was in no position to protest.

The men began to back away, and Laguna let out a tiny sigh of relief when it looked as if he would be able to get out of this without much of a struggle.

Suddenly, Laguna gasped as a flash of stabbing pain pounded at his temples, causing him to stumble and lower his rifle. The pain only lasted a moment, but it was long enough for Loman and the others to rush him and yank the rifle out of his grasp. Loman threw Laguna's gun to the side and shoved him to the ground.

"Nice try, Loire," Loman sneered at him. "But it looks like you should have run when you had the chance."

Two of the men reached down to pull Laguna up to his feet by his arms and then held him in place while Loman approached him. Loman studied him for a second before balling his hand into a fist and striking Laguna's jaw. Laguna's head snapped back and the men holding him pushed him back to the dirt and kicked at his ribs.

This set of a flurry of kicks and punches from all of the men in the group. Laguna clamped his hands and arms onto his head and curled himself up in an attempt to protect himself. But his efforts were futile given the ferocity of the blows raining down on him. Soon, he felt the warm trickle of blood sliding down his temple and his body ached from what was sure to be numerous welts and bruises.

After about a minute of this, Laguna felt hands pulling at his arms and legs, trying to spread them out. He struggled against them, but could not stop them from pinning his limbs to the ground in a spread-eagle position. As soon as his face was uncovered, Laguna closed his eyes. No matter what happened next, he would not give them the satisfaction of seeing the fear that he currently felt.

"Hold him still," Loman barked as he pulled a knife out of his pocket. "I want to go first."

Laguna took in a labored breath and worked to distance himself from what was happening to his body. He focused his thoughts on Raine and found a small scrap of peace in his detachment.

"Stop it!"

Laguna's eyes opened and everyone looked up just in time to see a wave of fire circle around them before dissipating. The men let go of Laguna and scurried back. Seconds later, they saw a young woman in blue with jet-black hair walking toward them, her palm held aloft in front of her. Laguna slowly sat up and coughed as he held his ribs.

"Rinoa," he called out. Rinoa dashed over to him and crouched down beside him.

"It's all right, Laguna," she said softly. "We're here now."

"Who is she?" "A sorceress?"

"No, a sorceress wouldn't bother with saving Loire. She'd just wipe us all out."

"Whoever she is, we have to stop her."

The men picked up their weapons and moved toward them again, but Rinoa held up her hand.

"Protect," she said. As soon as the word left her lips, a circle of blue light appeared in front of her and Laguna, shielding them from their attacks.

"Come on," Loman snarled. "She might be using magic, but she's just one person. We can get her if we strike now."

A sharp ting of steel and cries of pain caused Loman to whirl around just in time to see two of the men drop to their knees, their weapons shattered into pieces and their fingers clawing feebly due to freshly fractured wrists. He looked over to see a tall, dark man with long braids and a pair of sharp blades attached to his arms staring at him, his eyes filled with barely suppressed rage.

"You!" Loman snapped. "Who…?"

Loman wasn't able to finish his sentence before Kiros struck out at another man who tried to attack him from behind. Kiros spun on his heel and with a few swift moves; he disarmed the man and sent him sprawling to the ground. He then pointed one of his katal toward the rest of the group.

"Get away from him," Kiros growled. "Now."

About half of them complied and fled. Two more looked at each other and looked as if they were going to try to attack Kiros together, but they only took one step before they were stopped by a giant harpoon striking the ground directly in their path. They turned to see a giant man staring at them with malevolence.

"Ward," Kiros said icily. "Get rid of them."

Ward nodded grimly and stomped over to them. Then he grabbed both men by the shoulders and heaved them to the side, flinging them to the dirt. The men squawked and crawled away as fast as they could for a few yards before jumping to their feet and running. Kiros then turned his gaze back toward the rest of them.

"Leave," he said. "Or else."

Most of the people left dropped their weapons and took off with only Loman and couple others standing their ground. Loman glanced down and happened to notice that Laguna's gun was less than an inch away from his right foot. He immediately snatched it up and pointed it at Kiros and Ward, neither of whom showed the slightest concern over his actions.

"Back off," Loman said. "I said back off. I don't care what you guys say, I'm making sure that Loire gets his if it's the last thing I do."

"It may very well be the last thing if you don't drop the gun now," Kiros said. "I'm warning you."

"Ha! What can you do?" Loman said, his voice shaky with adrenaline. "Your weapons are useless against a bullet."

Kiros glowered at him for a second more before both he and Ward started to smirk. Loman was about to ask them what they were smiling about when a blade of crystalline blue metal flashed at the corner of his eyes. He barely had time to turn toward it before the gun in his hands was smacked away, and Loman found himself staring at the tip of a gunblade that was pointed at his face.

"Who…who are…?" Loman spluttered out.

"Hey…I've seen him before," one of the other men said. "He's a SeeD. Wait, yeah…he's one of the Chosen Six. The ones who defeated Sorceress Ultimecia."

"What's he doing here?" "Are all these guys SeeDs?"

"What's SeeD doing out here in the first place?"

"I'd back away, if I were you," Kiros said mockingly. "Squall doesn't tend to miss from that range."

Loman flinched, but also continued to scowl at Squall while studying the young man's face more carefully. His eyes suddenly widened as he realized that he recognized those light blue eyes, the light chestnut hair and the no-nonsense demeanor. When glanced down at the pendant around Squall's neck, he realized he had seen it among Raine's possessions and it all fell into place.

"Wait a minute," Loman gasped. "You're…you're him. You're Raine's boy, aren't you?"

"What of it?" Squall said, his tone venomous.

"I knew it," Loman said. "But why are you defending him? Don't you get it? He destroyed your mother's life and put her through hell. Don't you want to get back at him for what he did? Don't you want revenge?"

"Revenge?" Squall repeated. "Yes. Maybe I do want revenge."

Squall lowered his blade and put it back into its sheath, and Loman started to grin. But that expression only lasted a second before Squall punched him squarely in the face and followed that up with a kick to his knees that caused Loman to topple downward. Loman landed on his back and Squall knelt down, placing a knee on his chest while grabbing his shirt and using it to pull Loman's face toward his.

"It's because of you and people like you that I grew up alone and without a family," Squall roared at him. "Do you have any idea what it's like to grow up not knowing anything about your parents or about where you came from? You and the other people in this town stole everything from me."

"We…we didn't," Loman stammered. "We didn't want you to have to grow up with that irresponsible, selfish fool. We…we were trying to give you a better life."

"By tossing me away to the first orphanage you could find?" Squall retorted. "If all of you cared so much about me and my wellbeing, why didn't one of you raise me? But it was never about me, was it? You just used me to get back at Laguna and for what? Because he loved Raine? Because she loved him? How sick and twisted is that?"

Squall delivered another punch to Loman's jaw before standing up and facing him and the two still standing there.

"Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once," he said. "Maybe Laguna is willing to forgive and forget, but I'm not. So I'm giving all of you one chance and one chance only to leave him alone. He has every right to visit his wife, so just stay away from him while he's here. And if any of you tries to hurt him again, I will come back and personally deal with him. That's a promise. Do you understand?"

The other two men nodded, shame etched into their features, before walking away. Loman got up to his feet and backed up a few steps away from Squall and then stopped.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked weakly. "He's…he's just…."

"He is my father," Squall said firmly, narrowing his eyes at him. "And that is the only thing you need to understand."

Loman ducked his head down and hurried back toward the village. Squall, Ward and Kiros continued to watch them leave. Once they were all out of sight, they turned their attention back toward Laguna, who was still sitting on the ground beside Rinoa.

As they walked over to him, they watched as a soft blue light glowed in Rinoa's palms as she let her hands hover over Laguna's face. Soon, the wound near his temple disappeared as did the one on his lip from where Loman hit him. Rinoa traced her hands along Laguna's body for another moment before lowering them, the light fading away.

"How do you feel?" she asked him.

"Better," Laguna mumbled. "Thank you, Rinoa."

Rinoa smiled at him while Kiros crouched down beside him and put a hand on Laguna's back.

"Laguna, are you sure you're all right?" he asked gently. Laguna looked as if he was going to say something, but then he shook his head and Kiros was dismayed to see tears in his eyes.

"N-no," Laguna said, his voice cracking. "Raine…."

Laguna stumbled away from Rinoa and bent over the grave while the rest of them surveyed the area around him. The ground around Raine's grave was torn up from the struggle, the grass scorched from Rinoa's fire spell. Even worse, the headstone was now chipped in more than once place along the edges due to bullets that had deflected off it with one shell still embedded in the marble near her name.

Laguna leaned down over the grave, his shoulders hitching as the sobs he was trying to hold in threatened to engulf him. Rinoa put a hand to her mouth to stifle her own tears while Kiros and Ward bowed their heads sorrowfully.

Squall silently watched his father for a few seconds before suddenly walking away. Startled, Rinoa reached out her hand toward him and thought about following him, but was frozen in place by the heartbreaking scene in front of her. She looked over at Kiros and Ward and could sense that they too wished that they could find the right words to provide Laguna with even a little bit of solace.

A couple moments later, Squall returned with a small bouquet of freshly picked white flowers in his hands. He knelt down beside Laguna which caused his father to look up at him.

"Dad," Squall said softly. "Can I sit here with you for a while? To…to visit…." Despite the tears that glistened in his eyes, Laguna smiled at him.

"Of course, son," he said, his voice rough. "I think your mother would love to have you here."

Squall nodded and placed the flowers onto the headstone while moving closer to sit next to his father. The two of them quietly studied the grave and while no words were said aloud, both of them knew that there were plenty of things that were said through the heart.

A couple minutes later, Laguna moved one arm over to clasp Squall's shoulder while wiping the last of his tears out of his eyes.

"Thank you, Squall," he murmured. "For this. For what you just did. And I know it might seem crazy, but I am sure that Raine is grateful that you came to see her tonight."

"No, I…I think she is too," Squall said. "Dad…do you think she…that she…?" Laguna squeezed Squall's shoulder gently.

"Yes, son," he said. "I'm sure that she thinks about you all the time. Just as I do."

Squall took a deep breath and nodded his head. He was about to suggest that they leave when suddenly Laguna clutched at the sides of his head and cried out in pain. He started to fall face first onto the dirt with Squall just barely catching him in time.

"Dad? Dad!" Squall said. "What is it?" Kiros immediately rushed over and knelt down in front of Squall. Laguna did not answer him and continued to writhe in pain, his breaths coming out in stuttering gasps.

"What's going on?" Rinoa cried. "What's happening?"

"Squall," Kiros said as he pulled a vial out of his pocket. "Let me…."

Squall nodded and maneuvered Laguna over to Kiros so that he could rest against the other man's lap. Then Kiros flicked the lid off the vial and held it to Laguna's lips. Laguna cried out again and grabbed wildly at Kiros' hand as Kiros carefully tilted the vial and pulled Laguna up in his arms so that Laguna could drink the contents without choking.

"All right, Laguna, all right," Kiros murmured as he helped him hold the vial. "You're going to be fine."

While Laguna did manage to swallow most of the medicine, a few drops dribbled down his cheek. Kiros wiped them away with the edge of his sleeve and pocketed the empty vial once Laguna was finished. After that, Kiros continued to hold him and rub his arm in a soothing gesture until the spasms contorting Laguna's body finally ceased. Once it was over, Laguna collapsed against him, panting, completely exhausted, and barely conscious. Kiros brushed a lock of hair out of Laguna's face and looked up at the rest of them.

"We need to get him back to Esthar," he said. "Ward, help me with him."

Ward nodded and crouched down so he could help Kiros gingerly pick Laguna up and carry him back toward the transport waiting for them. No one said a word during the entire walk back, but everyone was certain that each of them were thinking the same thing.

Laguna Loire was slipping away, and at this point, it looked doubtful that they would be able to save him.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Next chapter...finally! :) I am sorry that it took me so long to write this. I actually ended up having to back and revise my original plot outline for this story, but I think it's going to work far better now. Hopefully, the next chapter won't take so long to write. :) In the mean time, I hope this was worth the wait.

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. That and your patience are always appreciated. :)

**KeyOfNostalgia: **Thanks for the review, as always. Well, I won't say upfront which way that this fic is going to go, but I'm thrilled that you are willing to go along for the ride either way. :) I hope that you will enjoy this chapter and that you will like how this works out in the end.

**DegenPrincess: **Thanks for the review. Yes, this are looking dark right now, but the mood will shift some in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**Pinkperson: **First off, thanks for the review. I'll admit that I was often nervous to write Laguna/Raine scenes when I first tried it out, but I must admit that the more I do it, the easier and more fun it gets. :) So I am glad that you enjoyed that and the basic storyline so far. As for not caring as much for my OCs, I can get that. I'm often wary of too many of them being in a fic myself, and while I can promise that they will never be the main focus of one of my stories, I can't say they are going away for two reasons: 1. Sometimes they serve a plot function (villain, potential rival love interest, etc) and thus are needed in that capacity and 2. Sometimes, I like to explore other sides of what I consider to be underutilized characters in canon, such as Kiros and Ward. Thus, they sort of serve a plot purpose, but also a fleshing out a character purpose, if that makes sense. :) Anyway, OCs aside, I hope you can enjoy this chapter and the balance of this fic as well.

Chapter Eight

Back at the Palace, Squall and Rinoa were silent as they sat next to each other on the bed in their room.

* * *

As soon as they got back to the ships, Kiros sent the one that had brought Laguna to Winhill on its way and they all took the Ragnarok back to Esthar.

The trip back had been a quiet one with Kiros and Ward continuing to tend to an unconscious Laguna, and Squall and Rinoa holding hands while staring out at the night sky rushing past them. When they landed at the Airstation, a transport was waiting for them, but Squall was surprised to see no medical staff at hand.

"_Laguna kept this to himself for a reason," _Kiros had told him. "_And we need to find out what that reason was before getting anyone else involved."_

Thus, they all traveled back to the Palace with little fanfare. Once they arrived, Kiros and Ward immediately took Laguna, who was just starting to regain consciousness, back to his quarters.

"_Squall, I can't imagine what you're going through right now," _Kiros had said to him. "_And I know you want answers, but I'm asking you to let me and Ward talk to him first. I promise to keep you updated if anything comes up."_

After that, Kiros went to follow Ward back to his father's rooms, and Squall let Rinoa guide him back to the guest room they were sharing. Squall sat down at the foot of the bed and watched the moon while Rinoa settled in beside him and put her arm around his waist. They stayed that way for a long time until Rinoa finally broke the silence.

"Thank Hyne that we found Laguna when we did," she said. "I can't believe how hateful those people were in that village. Honestly, Laguna's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. How could they be so cruel to him?"

"Small-town mentality, I guess," Squall shrugged. "When you're isolated from the world like that, it's easier to immediately distrust outsiders and push them away rather than risk getting to know them."

"But he hasn't lived there in years," Rinoa said. "I guess I can't understand why someone would hold a grudge for so long. Especially when he didn't do anything wrong in the first place. He was just trying to help."

"Not everyone wants help," Squall said. "At least, not from someone they don't know or don't trust. Sadly, Laguna doesn't always seem to know when to curb that altruistic tendency of his. And as for why they held onto that hate for so long…I don't think it's that strange."

"You don't?"

"No," Squall replied. "Haven't you seen the look Laguna gets in his eyes when he talks about Adel? It's been years and yet he still gets mad when he thinks about the horrible things she did. Or what about you? You're still angry about things your father did. And that Seifer did, right? Has the passage of time made any of that go away?"

"That's different," Rinoa insisted. "Yeah, I still have issues with my father, but it wasn't just one thing. It was a lot of things. And as for Seifer…well he tried to kidnap me and let Adel absorb me. I know I should try to let it go, but I…I don't know if I can. Does that make me like them?" Squall sighed and shook his head.

"No, I don't think you're like them," he said. "And I'm not saying that they were right either. I just…I just think I understand why they did what they did is all."

"Does that make it easier?" Rinoa asked him. "Understanding it?"

"I don't know if 'easier' is the word I'd use," Squall said, frowning. "But I guess you could say that it's better than stuff happening that doesn't make any sense at all."

"As opposed to there being no reason in the world and everything being random," Rinoa said, nodding. "Yes, I can see why that would be better. I just wish the world worked that way more often."

Squall shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the carpet. Rinoa watched him for a long moment before reaching for his hand.

"Are you thinking about your father?" she asked him. "Don't worry. The best doctors in the world are in Esthar. I'm sure that they'll be able to help him."

"Rinoa, do you know what Tze-Barre disease is?" Squall asked her. "Or what it's like?"

"I don't know much about it," she confessed. "But I have heard that it is possible to be cured from it. My father is friends with a general who has a daughter who had it. It was tough, but they were able to save her."

"That's far from the norm," Squall said. "Everything I've heard about it said that most people die from it in a year or two and that only an extremely small percentage recover."

"But there's still a chance, right?" Rinoa said. "Even if it's a one-in-million chance, that's still better than nothing. Besides, Laguna has been really lucky in the past. Maybe he will be again."

"He's been very unlucky too," Squall pointed out. "So it's equally possible that his luck will run out. And even if you're right, even if they do find a way to cure him, that doesn't change what will happen to him in the near future. Kiros told me about what he knew about Tze-Barre on the way to Winhill. And from what he said what we saw Laguna going through tonight will only get worse. It's also only a matter of time before other things start to happen, like memory loss."

Squall moved his hand away from hers and grabbed the edge of the mattress, clenching it tightly.

"What if…what if he stops being…him?" Squall said. "What if he wakes up one day…and he isn't Laguna anymore? What if he forgets about being president or about Sis or Raine or…or…?"

"Or you?" Rinoa said softly. "Squall, maybe I don't know much about this disease, but something tells me that he'd never forget you. And no matter what, a part of him will always be the same Laguna he's always been. I just know it."

"How can you be so sure?" Squall asked her.

"It's not something I totally explain with words," she said. "It's more like…. Haven't you every felt something, something in your heart, that you just knew had to be true? Didn't you ever have a feeling or an intuition that made everything else fall in place, even if you couldn't really explain why you had it?"

"I…I don't know," Squall said hesitantly. "There's really not much room for personal feelings or intuition in SeeD."

"Well…what about when you rushed out into space to save me right after the Lunar Cry," Rinoa said. "Didn't you just have a feeling that it would work out?"

"Truthfully, I didn't think that far ahead," Squall confessed. "All I knew is that I had to be there…with you."

Rinoa smiled and snuggled up closer to him.

"Ok, but what about after that?" she said. "When you rescued me from the Sorceress' Memorial. Weren't you sure that it would all work out in the end and we could stay together somehow?"

Squall frowned and was about to repeat what he had said earlier, but then it suddenly occurred to him that she had a point. Even though it had seemed reckless and not planned out in the least, Squall soon came to the conclusion that, somewhere in the back of his mind, he had been confident that he could think of a solution so that Rinoa would not have to be sealed away. While it was happening, Squall hadn't had time to formulate a long term plan. But now that he could reflect on it, he could see that there was no logical, rational reason for him to take the actions that he did.

"Maybe you're right," he finally mumbled. "But still, I…"

Squall clasped his hands together and Rinoa cocked her head quizzically.

"It's not fair," he said. "I had to grow up without a father just because other people wanted to have their revenge…and then I finally find out about him, finally get to have a family. But just when I get to know him and have a chance to start over, this happens and I…I'm going to lose him again."

Squall ground his jaw, frustrated and miserable. He knew that he sounded like a child who was whining when things didn't go his way, but that did not change his feeling that he had been cheated somehow, that life was snatching away one of the best gifts he had ever gotten before he had been fully able to appreciate it.

Rinoa wrapped her arms around him and held him close. Squall hated how emotional he was becoming, but couldn't stop the sorrow and fear from welling up inside him.

"It's not fair," he whispered. "It's not…."

Unable to say anything else, Squall turned and held Rinoa close to him, determined to make sure that he could at least hold onto her.

* * *

Back in Laguna's quarters, both Kiros and Ward stared at Laguna, who was sitting on the couch, their arms crossed over their chests. Neither one of them had figured that it would be easy to get Laguna to talk about the things that were bothering him.

But they also hadn't expected him to be completely silent either.

Thus, the three of them remained locked in a tense quiet for several minutes, Laguna tugging at a loose thread at the corner of one of the couch cushions, and Kiros and Ward standing across from him, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement.

Finally unable to stand it any longer, Ward walked forward, a stern look on his face.

"…."

"I know, I know," Laguna said with a sigh. "I know I'm not supposed to leave Esthar without someone accompanying me. I just…I needed some time to myself. I thought you guys understood that."

"You know we do," Kiros said. "But you need to understand how it is for us. This isn't the first time recently when you've run off and hid things from us. What about after the incident at the Sorceress' Memorial? Or when you left without any warning to take care of Squall when he got sick? And now this."

Kiros knelt down in front of Laguna and put a hand on his shoulder.

"We're not trying to control your life or take away your privacy," he continued. "We're your friends. We just want to help, to keep you safe and happy."

Kiros clasped Laguna's shoulder even more and leaned forward.

"We don't want you to suffer," he said softly. "So please, talk to us."

Laguna shook his head, and for a moment Kiros thought that he was going to continue to evade them when suddenly Laguna jumped to his feet and backed away from them.

"You don't want me to suffer," Laguna said, his tone harsh and strangely off-key. "But you also expect me to just smile all the time and continue to be the same pathetic fool you've had to put up with for all these years."

"…."

"Ward's right," Kiros said. "We never…."

"Never what?" Laguna replied. "Never expected me to care about all the times you treated me like an idiot? Never expected me to get tired of being made fun of and brushed aside my thoughts and ideas? Never thought that I would get tired of the mask I have to wear all the time?"

Laguna's shoulders slumped down, his head drooping toward the floor.

"Laguna Loire, Esthar's Clown in Charge," he said. "I know that's what you think of me and it's what Squall thinks. I know you get tired of all the mistakes I make and are embarrassed by the way I screw up when I talk. I…I keep thinking that, one day, you'll get so sick of it, you'll finally walk away. These days, when I look at you, or at Squall, I wonder: 'is this going to be the day when they decide that I'm not worth the hassle?'. I get so scared because…because…."

Laguna's shoulders started to shake, his breaths coming out in gasps. Kiros stood up and took a step toward him, but Laguna backed away again.

"I don't want to lose anyone else," Laguna said, his voice cracking. "I lost Elle and then Raine and then I lost Squall for a long time. I…I just can't…. And I guess, I, I thought that it'd be better if I just kept smiling and hiding all this stuff inside me."

"You didn't have to do that," Kiros insisted. "If you had told us, we would have…."

"Don't you see? That's the problem," Laguna retorted, finally lifting his head. "You'd feel sorry for me and try to make it better. You and Ward, you always try to soften the blow for me, try to protect me, go along with every plan I come up with. And for what? So you can almost get killed more than once? Tell me Kiros, how did you feel about spending a whole year searching for me? Or maybe I should ask Ward how he feels about being led by a moron who constantly gets lost and gets into the worst possible situations. Oh wait, that's right. I can't because he can't speak anymore…all because I screwed up again."

Tears finally slid out of his eyes and he hiccupped a couple times before speaking again.

"Sometimes I…I just wish it would all end," he choked out. "I'm tired of being the idiot in the room, tired of working for hours upon hours every day and having nothing to show for it. I…I'm tired of being alone. So…when I found out about this, this…from my doctor, I guess I thought that maybe this was it: that it was time to pay for all the misery I've caused for all the people who got close to me."

Laguna looked away and bowed his head.

"I…I even thought that maybe…maybe I shouldn't wait around for this disease to take everything from me," he whispered. "That maybe I should…."

"Laguna," Kiros breathed, horrified at what he was hearing. "Is that why you went to Winhill tonight? Because you were thinking of…?" Laguna turned away from him even more, and Kiros knew that he had an answer to his unspoken question. Then Kiros shivered, terrified at how close he had been to losing his commander, his friend, his brother, before reciting a short, silent prayer of gratitude that Laguna had not followed through with his plan.

Kiros glanced over at Ward, and he could tell that Ward felt the same sorrow and regret he did and also wished he could do something to ease Laguna's suffering. The two of them shared a look and nodded before walking over to Laguna, each of them gently taking hold of one of his arms and guiding him back to the couch before sitting down on either side of him.

"Laguna, you are not a fool," Kiros said. "Far from it. Maybe you don't always find the right words when you speak, but you have a real gift with them when you write. The two of us and many others have seen this first-hand when we read your work. And maybe you do act a bit impulsively at times, but you also act with far more courage, compassion and forgiveness than most people in this world. On top of that, you are wise when it comes to people and to the heart, Laguna. No matter what the situation, you are able to see and understand the heart and soul of a person, even if they try to keep themselves hidden. As for Esthar, these people get the security of knowing that they can live their lives as they choose and don't have to worry about an evil sorceress taking everything away from them. Believe me when I say that the people Esthar do not think that you've worked all these years for nothing. You gave this country a new life and hope for the future."

Kiros reached over and rubbed Laguna's back, relieved that he had stopped crying and appeared to be listening.

"Sure, there have been hard times," Kiros said. "But it's not as if we're keeping score. Besides, even if we did, Ward and I would have to account for the fact that you risked your life to save ours many times and that the both of us have gained far more from knowing you than we have ever lost."

Ward nodded and patted Laguna's shoulder a couple times so he would look up at him. Then Ward smiled even though his eyes remained stern and serious.

"…."

"How can you say that?" Laguna said, shaking his head. "Don't you miss being able to talk? I know every time I see you, I think about that day and wish I had…."

Ward shook his head, his expression becoming more somber.

"…."

"Exactly," Kiros nodded. "As soldiers, we knew what the risks were every time we went out into the field. If it hadn't been Centra, it could have been any of the other battles that we faced during our careers in the army. And the same went for you. What we're saying, Laguna, is that we're happy: our lives have meaning and purpose and we've found much to fill them. But we also want the same for you."

Laguna swiped at his face, and Kiros handed him a tissue to he could blow his nose.

"As for Raine…I didn't get a chance to live with her as long as you did, but I know she loved you," Kiros said. "We talked about it a couple times, and I can tell you that she was happier than she had ever been with you in her life. The same goes for Ellone. She loves you, Laguna. I wish you could have seen how overjoyed she was when she arrived in Esthar after years adrift on that boat, knowing that she would finally get to see you again. Not too long ago, she told me that a significant part of the reason why she tried to change the past was so that you could be happy."

Kiros leaned toward Laguna and tapped his forearm so that he would look him in the eye.

"And the same is also true for Squall," he said. "Maybe he isn't as forthcoming about it as Ellone, but he clearly cares about you. More than once, he has inquired about the security measures we use here at the Palace to keep you safe and often wants to be updated whenever you travel. He's also been terribly worried about you over this weekend and keeps asking about what he should do. He does these things because you're his father and he loves you. He wants you in his life…as do the rest of us."

Laguna started to look down into his lap, but Kiros put his hand back on his shoulder and nudged him to look into his eyes.

"But most of all, both Ward and I want to say that we're sorry," Kiros said. "We are so sorry, Laguna if we made you feel like you were alone or as if you weren't wanted or appreciated. The fact is, we all rely on you far more than you might think and are grateful that you have such a generous heart. Many people who face even half of the hardships you have would probably curl up and hide themselves away, refusing to risk anything for someone else. Instead, you continue to remain positive, move forward and give as much as you can to help others."

Kiros smiled at him warmly and was happy when the shadows of grief finally started to dissipate from Laguna's eyes.

"Don't you see, Laguna?" he said. "You are not a pathetic fool. The truth is, you are actually the strongest one of us all."

Kiros patted his arm one last time and sat up, waiting for Laguna's response. Laguna stared at Kiros and then Ward for a long moment before he moved to lean against Kiros, who immediately drew him in for a brief embrace. Afterward, Ward gave him one as well and once it was over, Laguna sat up and sniffed.

"Thank you," he murmured. "And I'm sorry that I kept all this from you."

"…."

"And I forgive you too," Kiros nodded. "We just ask that you stop trying to deal with this on your own. We want to help you get through this."

"Thanks, but it's not like there's much for me to get through," Laguna said, bowing his head again. "I mean, you guys know what the doctor said. It's not like I have a whole lot of time left anyway. Really, what should we do now?"

Kiros reached over and clasped Laguna's shoulder again.

"What do we do now?" Kiros said, his tone firm. "The same thing we always do, Laguna: we fight. We fight for you. Ward and I are not going to stand by and do nothing while watching you die. I did some research on Tze-Barre while on route back to the Palace, and I see now that it is far from a straightforward disease. Not everyone is affected by it the same way, and apparently, it's possible to slow the progression somewhat by following specialized diet and medicine regimens. Plus, there are many treatment options out there to try to cure it and new discoveries in that area are being made all the time. We're going to investigate all of this and then keep searching until we find something that works."

Kiros put another hand on Laguna's other shoulder and gripped them tightly.

"I promise that we're all going to do everything we can to help you beat this," he said. "But we're going to need your help too. Fight with us, Laguna. Use the strength we know you have and don't give up."

Laguna nodded at him and grabbed at one of Kiros' hands.

"I will," he whispered. "I promise. But I…I'm scared, Kiros. I…."

Kiros guided Laguna to lean against him and Ward put his hand back on Laguna's shoulder. Kiros and Ward shared a look, both of them aware that they could be facing a long, agonizing battle.

But it was also a battle that they were determined to win.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Next chapter. Again, I apologize for the slow updates of late. College stuff is piling up on me this week. But I am hoping to get back into a quicker update schedule again by next week.

I do not own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters.

Thank you to everyone who is reading/following/favoriting/reviewing this. It is always appreciated. :)

**KeyofNostalgia: **Thanks as always for the review. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the somewhat upbeat tone for the last chapter, although I'll warn you now that not everything will be resolved yet as this update will show you...Also I agree that Laguna is by and far positive, but after playing the game again recently and thinking about his story, I realized just how many difficult situations and losses he had endured I do think he is an optimist at the core, but I also believe that he probably is carrying around some heartache...Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

**SakiWatari: **Thank you for the review. I covered a lot with you in my PM, but let me add that I'm very happy that you are enjoying my time spent in more of a niche corner of the FFVIII universe. As I mentioned in my PM, I wasn't sure if the readers would enjoy this less conventional story from me, so I'm glad that you are...As to your other comment about how Squall and Rinoa might have to think about all this, I will say that that will come up before this fic is over. So I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this fic as well. :)

Chapter Nine

The next day, Kiros got in contact with Laguna's personal physician, Doctor Ian Jevons. After explaining the situation to him, Jevons agreed to come back a couple days early and was given all of the reports and test results that had been submitted by Batol. Later that morning, Jevons set up an appointment for Laguna, and Laguna ended up taking Squall, Kiros, and Ward with him. As they gathered in Jevons' office and pulled up chairs to sit in, the doctor developed a perplexed expression on his face.

"Laguna, are you sure you want to discuss this with all of these people here?" Jevons asked.

Squall had been mildly surprised at how Jevons addressed his father informally, but had also remembered Kiros mentioning to him that Jevons had been his doctor ever since he became president.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Laguna nodded somberly. "They're my family and…I need them to know what's going on."

"Of course," Jevons nodded. "Well, I've reviewed Batol's reports and the test results, and all the indications do point to Tze-Barre. But…."

"But?" Squall said, his eyebrow raising. Jevons leaned forward and put his forearms on the desk, his fingers interlocking.

"You see, it is very difficult to get a definitive diagnosis due to the fact that early stages of the disease are very similar to other less terminal ailments," Jevons continued. "Now, the test Batol ran is probably the best single indicator known in medicine to detect the disease, and it tends to give an accurate diagnosis over ninety percent of the time. But, there are some important exceptions to that rule."

"Like what?" Kiros asked.

"Laguna, have you had any unusual illnesses or fevers in the last few months?" Jevons asked. "Anything beyond the normal colds or flus?"

"I don't think so," Laguna said, putting his hand to his chin. "I haven't…whoa…wait…."

"Yes," Squall said, sitting upright. "There was that time when I got sick with Cerilian fever and you came out to Garden to take care of me...and then you got it too."

"That's right," Laguna said. "I ended up being sick for three days with that."

"I thought so," Jevons said. "While not generally serious, the antibodies that are left behind from illnesses in the same class as Cerilian fever tend to be very active for months after the initial infection. Unfortunately, they can confound a basic blood analysis along with giving a false positive on the common test for Tze-Barre."

"Doctor," Kiros said, his hands trembling. "You mean…are you saying that…that…."

"Let me say upfront that Batol probably did not intentionally act unprofessionally or unethically," Jevons said. "But given the severity and life-altering consequences of a disease like Tze-Barre, he should have been far more thorough in his testing so he could be absolutely sure of the diagnosis. And for that, I am very sorry, Laguna."

Squall collapsed back in his chair, flabbergasted. As much as he wanted to be happy over this glimmer of hope that had just been offered, a part of him couldn't help but be angry that the other doctor hadn't been more careful and that he had had to endure so much worry and fear over his father's health.

Then it occurred to him that Laguna had probably suffered far more having thought for days that he was going to die in a slow, agonizing death. Squall wondered how he must feel right now. He glanced over at Laguna and saw that he had become much paler and that his hand was on Kiros' forearm. At first, he thought that Laguna was simply drawing comfort from his friend. But after another moment of observation, Squall noticed the rage burning in Kiros' eyes and the way he tightly clenched his jaw along with the way Laguna's fingertips lightly traced small circles on his arm.

It was then that he realized that Laguna wasn't just trying to draw strength from Kiros' presence. He was also trying to soothe away the anger that was rising in his best friend. Judging from Kiros' outwardly calm demeanor, Laguna was successful. Still, Squall suspected that this would not be the end of it, but could not bring himself to feel the least bit sorry for what was sure to be in Batol's future, courtesy of the President's Chief Attendant.

"Now, despite what I just said, I do think it's too soon to totally throw out Batol's diagnosis," Jevons said. "Your symptoms are proof enough that there is certainly something wrong, and I do not want to give you false hope. But I think the first thing we should do is try to confirm or rule out Tze-Barre from the possibilities once and for all."

"How can we do that?" Squall asked.

"There is another set of tests we can use," Jevons said. "These tests will effectively get around the confounds that can occur in the blood test Batol used. They will give us a definitive answer."

"How soon can you perform them?" Kiros said in a low voice.

"I would like to perform them immediately, if at all possible," Jevons replied. "If Laguna does have Tze-Barre, it will be important to explore treatment options sooner rather than later. These results won't be immediate and will take a couple days to process. But I also think that it's important to get rid of this uncertainty so we can at least have the peace of mind of knowing what we are truly dealing with."

Jevons leaned back in his chair and frowned, and Squall quickly became tense over the pensive look on the doctor's face.

"What?" Laguna asked, his tone strained. "What is it?"

"There is one thing you need to be aware of, Laguna," Jevons said. "The first test will be relatively simple, requiring only another small blood sample for analysis. However, it is the second part that I am concerned about. You see, I will need to take bone marrow samples from more than one location, and I must warn you that the procedure is quite painful."

"Couldn't you give him anesthesia?" Squall asked. "Put him under until it's finished?"

"There is a risk of contaminating the samples if I do that," Jevons answered. "Ordinarily, I would be willing to take it, but I see that Batol prescribed a narcotic to help with the pain Laguna is currently experiencing and that complicates things. I assume that you have been taking it?"

"Yeah," Laguna said, bowing his head. "I...I'm sorry. I just couldn't…."

"Laguna, you did nothing wrong," Jevons assured him. "If you do have Tze-Barre, it was completely appropriate for Batol to prescribe this to help you cope with the early symptoms. And even if it's not Tze-Barre, it's clear that you needed some kind of relief. Still, the fact remains that the presence of that narcotic in your system makes it far too risky to give you a more comprehensive anesthesia due to the interaction completely eradicating the test's effectiveness. The best I will be able to do is give you an alternate local anesthesia which will not interact with the chemicals I will be using for analysis. It will reduce the severity of the pain, but it will not eliminate it. You will be conscious and you will have to endure a great deal of suffering."

"What if he waited?" Squall asked. "He could stop taking the painkiller for a while and then you could take the samples with him under the general anesthetic."

"That is an option," Jevons said. "But he would have to wait for a week before I could perform the test. Meanwhile, he would have to endure his current symptoms without any sort of pain relief. Not to mention that it would further delay any treatment we could give him." The doctor leaned forward and tapped his fingertips against the surface of his desk.

"Laguna, it's up to you," he said. "I'm not going to tell you what you should choose and will only advise you to go with what is best for you. But whatever you decide, we will find a way to make it work."

Laguna bowed his head again and increased his grip on Kiros' arm. Kiros moved closer and put his hand on Laguna's shoulder with Ward doing the same seconds later.

"Laguna…." Kiros started. He was cut off when Laguna lifted his head.

"I'll do it now," Laguna said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I have to know."

"I understand," Jevons said, nodding. "And I don't blame you. I will need to gather a team and make preparations, but we should be ready to begin in about two hours."

"All right," Laguna said shakily. "I guess, I'll just wait around here." Jevons nodded and studied Laguna for a moment before rising from his chair.

"Your family is welcome to stay while we get ready and while we perform the procedures," the doctor said. "I know that it won't be easy, but I ask that you try to relax as much as possible before we begin. It will make it a little easier to get through it."

Laguna nodded and went back to looking at the floor. Jevons left the room and closed the door behind him. Once he was gone, Squall leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together, still trying to process the revelations the doctor had just given them.

"…."

"I suppose you're right," Kiros sighed. "I would like to think that there is a chance that this will far less serious than we thought. Still, Batol should have been more careful. He was supposed to be taking care of the president of Esthar, for Hyne's sake. Didn't he think for one minute about how serious this responsibility was?"

"…."

"Maybe," Kiros replied. "But I _will_ be having a very long discussion with him in regards to his practice after this is over. I guarantee it."

Squall watched Laguna continue to stare at the carpet, unnerved at how quiet his father continued to be.

"Dad," he said. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Laguna took a deep breath and let out a long sigh before finally looking up and giving him a weak smile.

"Honestly? Not really," he said. "I'm sure these guys will tell you that I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to pain. You should have seen how I reacted when I stubbed my toe on the edge of my desk last week. Man, who knew that the edge of a desk could hurt so much."

"…."

"I agree," Kiros smirked. "The only reason you played that up was to try to get out of the meeting with the energy committee. Just like how last year you tried to say that you needed to cut the ribbon at a ceremony celebrating a new wing in the Game Kingdom building."

"Hey, the president is supposed interact with the people," Laguna whined. "You're always saying that I need to make more public appearances."

"And the fact that you were hoping to snag a limited edition Ultima Weapon card had nothing to do with it?" Kiros replied.

"You know that wasn't just for me. I was planning on getting you one too," Laguna pouted. "Can't blame a guy for trying though, right? You know as well as I do that the energy committee doesn't like these meetings any more than I do. I don't know why we keep having 'em."

"Dad," Squall said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Laguna scooted his chair closer to him and patted his son's arm.

"Listen Squall, I meant what I said to Jevons earlier," he said. "I know that there is a test now that can predict if you'll get Tze-Barre by looking for a particular gene, but I never went through with it 'cause…well…before I didn't really want to know. I remember what my mom said and I guess I didn't want to think about how that could be in my future. I guess a part of me thought that if I knew it was coming, I wouldn't be able to really live my life the way I wanted. I'd always be looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to disappear."

Squall saw Kiros shake his head and try to suppress a smirk and found that he had to work to keep a straight face as well.

"But now I realize that I can't continue to think like that," Laguna continued. "I've got all these responsibilities here in Esthar to think about. But more importantly, I've got you and Elle and Kiros and Ward to think about. I can't just try to remain blissfully ignorant and hope for the best. It's not fair to you guys 'cause you know what could happen and can't help but worry about it. So, I want to do this now so you won't have to worry any more. But also I…I want to face whatever this is, good or bad. I spent a huge portion of my life just coasting along looking for an adventure. Now, I want to stop and fight for the life I want instead of hoping I'll find it somewhere out there."

Kiros squeezed Laguna's shoulder, causing the president to turn toward him.

"Laguna, you stopped being so irresponsible years ago," he said. "We all know that. None of us doubt your dedication or your courage."

"Maybe," Laguna said. "But maybe this is something I've needed to prove to myself for a long time."

Both Kiros and Ward nodded at him in understanding and Laguna patted Kiros' hand before turning back toward Squall.

"Squall, I know that this is incredibly selfish of me to ask this, given how I've lived my life," he said. "But I would like you to consider taking the test that will predict if you'll get Tze-Barre while you're here. I won't lie and say that it has nothing to do with me worrying about you. Truthfully, I'm terrified that you might have to…."

"It's ok," Squall said, cutting him off. "I get it. I'll think about it."

"Thank you," Laguna said, smiling at him again. "And just so you'll know, whatever you decide to do, I'm behind it all the way."

Squall nodded. He had already guessed that before Laguna said it. His father always supported every decision he made.

But in this moment, Squall wondered if he would be strong enough to give Laguna the support he was going to need now in and in the future.

* * *

A little over two hours later, Laguna was lying on a bed in the recovery room of Jevons' medical lab.

He had had some blood drawn by a nurse a few minutes ago and had grumbled about how the needle had hurt. But he quickly stopped when the nurse put a bandage decorated with smiling chicobos on the wound. His mirth soon died away, however, when he was asked to change into an examination gown and he saw another nurse bring in the needles that would be used for the bone marrow extractions.

Laguna had gulped and hid behind a screen as he hastily changed clothes. Although he was doing his best to remain calm and strong for his friends and family's sake, he couldn't help but be nervous over the sight of those long thick needles, especially when remembered what Jevons had said about how painful this test would be.

Once he had changed, a nurse instructed him to lie down and then began disinfecting the sample sites and administering local anesthetic to prepare him. All throughout this, he tried to keep things light-hearted and engaged in some small talk with the nurses. But eventually, his growing anxiety got the best of him and he fell silent. By the time Jevons came to check on him, Laguna was very quiet and withdrawn.

"Laguna, is there anything I can do to help you relax?" he asked.

"N-no, it's ok," Laguna whispered. "I'm all right."

"I can't say that I believe you," Jevons frowned. "The anesthesia should be taking effect by now. How do you feel?"

"I don't know," Laguna said. "Kind of weirdly numb in spots. My head feels kind of fuzzy too."

"That's to be expected," the doctor said. "I'm probably going to wait a few more minutes to start to give the anesthesia time to set in. In the meantime, I do need you to try to calm down. You should know that your family is right outside this room. I'm sure that they'll be supporting you throughout this whole thing."

Laguna lifted his head off the pillow and looked over to see Squall, Rinoa, Kiros, Mara, Ward and Temira standing in a line in front of a glass pane that separated the room from the rest of the lab. He smiled at them and Rinoa, Temira and Ward waved at him while Squall and Mara only nodded their heads in response. Only Kiros did not move, and Laguna wondered what was going on in his best friend's mind.

* * *

Outside the room, Kiros watched Laguna with an intense look in his eyes.

Laguna had made a show of whining about the needle prick when the nurse drew blood earlier and had acted excited to get a "cool" bandage afterwards, but Kiros suspected that that was partially for their benefit. Behind the usual loopy demeanor Laguna continued to project, he could see the dread in his former commander's eyes. His time spent fighting alongside Laguna in the army and elsewhere had long since proven to Kiros that his best friend was not a coward and was often braver than most. But despite that, there was no denying the terror that Laguna was desperately trying to hide.

Kiros felt his heart sink as he watched Laguna smile at him. It hadn't occurred to him at first, but standing here and watching Laguna now; he realized that it wasn't just the test itself that his friend feared: it was also the results and the possible implications that were filling Laguna with apprehension. That coupled with all the heartache Laguna had recently gone through was pushing his best friend to the breaking point, and Kiros was afraid that he wouldn't be able to take much more.

Jevons talked to Laguna for a moment before walking out of the room to check on the blood sample that had been taken earlier. As he walked by, Kiros motioned at him and the two of them walked off to the side away from the others.

"Doctor Jevons," Kiros said. "I was wondering if I might make a request…."

* * *

Five minutes later, Jevons re-entered the room, and Kiros followed him, surgical scrubs covering his robes. As he approached, Laguna lifted his head and cocked it quizzically.

"Minister Seagill asked if he could stay with you while we take the samples," Jevons explained. "I see no problem with it, so it's up to you if he stays here."

Laguna looked over at Kiros, a smile on his face and wetness sparkling in his eyes.

"I'd like him to stay," Laguna murmured. Kiros smiled back and moved to crouch down at Laguna's beside so he would be eye level with him.

"Kiros…." Laguna began.

"You don't have to say anything," Kiros interrupted. "The truth is I wanted to be here too. I was serious when I told you yesterday that you wouldn't be alone for this and as far as I'm concerned, that promise applies here as well."

"We're going to start now, Laguna," Jevons said, picking up one of the extraction needles. "You're going to feel some pressure at first, but that will soon change. When it starts, try to relax as much as you can."

Laguna nodded and started to look down at the floor again, but Kiros immediately snapped his fingers right in front of Laguna's face, causing him to look back up.

"No, don't you do that," he said. "You keep your focus right here. On me. We'll get through this together, all right?" Kiros held out his hand, and Laguna grasped it.

"All right," Laguna whispered.

Kiros grinned at him and then glanced over at the doctor, who gave him a slight nod, indicating that he was going to start. Kiros nodded in response to show he understood and went back to looking Laguna in the eye.

Seconds later, Laguna groaned and screwed his eyes shut. As Kiros felt his friend's fingers contract around his, he grimly contemplated the contradictory fact that Laguna tended to whine about minor injuries and annoyances, but would also bear much more severe physical and mental pain as quietly as possible.

"That's it," Jevons said. "You are doing very well, Laguna. We've got the first one done. Only four more to go."

"Four?" Laguna gasped. "I…I can't do four more."

"Yes, you can," Kiros insisted. "No, don't try to look back there. Keep your eyes focused on me. Or do you want me telling Squall about that time you tried to redecorate Raine's pub?"

"You wouldn't," Laguna said, mock horror in his tone. Kiros smirked at him and squeezed his hand.

"Wouldn't I?" Kiros said playfully. "I imagine Squall has no idea how you actually used to think that blue and orange stripes would be a good color scheme for a room."

"Hey, Raine said that she wanted colors that really stood out," Laguna replied. "Besides it's not like I painted the whole pub that way. I just did one little section so she could see if she liked it. And I didn't see you offering to help when I had to paint over it. I still say though that the candles would have been a good idea."

"Oh sure, tomato-shaped candles on every table in a pub," Kiros said, rolling his eyes. "Great idea."

"They were not tomatoes," Laguna pouted. "They were supposed to be apples. You know, 'cause Raine was wanting to promote those ciders she got for the bar."

Kiros chuckled and the banter continued on like that for a few more seconds until Jevons inserted another needle. Laguna groaned louder this time, but managed to remain mostly quiet and still while clutching Kiros' hand tightly.

"It's ok," Kiros soothed. "This will be over soon, I promise. Just breathe, all right. You just have three more and then you can rest."

"D-do I have to just sleep?" Laguna stuttered. "I, I was kind of hoping we could do our poker game in a little while. You, me, Ward and Squall. Remember? S-Squall's never played with us before."

"I remember," Kiros nodded. "You probably should get some rest once this is over, but we can have our poker session after that if you want."

"Do you think Mara and Temira would mind making us some snacks?" Laguna said with a tiny smile. "That way we could make a whole evening of it."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind," Kiros smiled warmly. "But I'm surprised that you want to spend a whole evening playing poker. You do know that that will just give us more time to drain your salary from you, right? Not that Ward and I mind sharing the wealth with Squall."

"Ha ha, very funny," Laguna replied. "You know, I actually read a book recently on how to improve my game. You and Ward might be in for a big surprise."

"You winning even a single round would be a huge surprise," Kiros said. "Face it Laguna; you're a terrible poker player. Always have been, always will be."

The conversation continued on like that for several more minutes as Jevons performed two more extractions. Each one seemed to put Laguna in even more pain than the last one. By the time Jevons was ready to do the fifth one, tears were starting to leak out of Laguna's eyes and his breathing was rapid and ragged as he continued to try to stop himself from crying out.

"Last one Laguna," Jevons said. "You've done great so far, but I'll warn you that this one will be the worst of all. All I can say is don't fight it if start to pass out."

"Ok," Laguna whispered. "Kiros."

"I'm still here, Laguna," Kiros said.

"I'm sorry," Laguna said. "I kept yelling at you, saying that I didn't need you holding my hand through life and yet here you are and…."

"Laguna, it's all right," Kiros said. "I said that I forgave you and I meant it. Besides, it's not as if you asked me to stay with you. Like I said before, I'm here because I want to be."

"Promise that you won't go anywhere," Laguna said. Kiros leaned closer and put his other hand over the one Laguna was gripping.

"You know that I wouldn't leave, don't you?" Kiros asked.

"I know," Laguna said. "But…I guess I still need to hear it once in a while."

Kiros gave him and wan smile and sighed before letting his head droop down so that his forehead was resting against Laguna's. Both of them closed their eyes and stayed that way for a brief moment, silently rallying their strength. Then Kiros raised his head and glanced at Jevons who gave him a small nod. He went back to looking at Laguna's face.

Jevons inserted the needle and the response from Laguna was instantaneous. He clawed at the bed with his free hand while squeezing his eyes shut. A long, agonized cry erupted from his mouth. Kiros used his free hand to press Laguna's shoulder down to hold him in place. As the doctor finished extracting his last sample, Laguna became limp, his eyes rolling back. A second later he collapsed back onto the bed unconscious. One of the nurses placed a bandage over the last extraction site and the doctor looked it over before clearing his throat.

"It's over," Jevons said. "It would be better for him to come around on his own."

"I understand," Kiros said quietly, his gaze firmly fixed on Laguna's still form. "Thank you, Doctor."

Jevons nodded and walked out of the room with the nurses following him. Once they were gone, Kiros pulled the blanket up to Laguna's shoulders and stood back up. Laguna's fingers were still loosely entwined with his, and Kiros found that he didn't want to let go. He reached behind him and pulled up a chair so he could sit down beside the bed. After sitting, he reached over and gently rubbed his shoulder.

"Rest for a little while," he murmured. "I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."


End file.
